my eldest son may I even call you that? how time has grabbed you like talons from my mind I won't say I was a good mother because I know that is not what you want to hear cats have proved to me that I was a horrible one I'm trying to do better can you tell? please tell me you can tell. I wasn't a good leader either according to others I killed my clan which is one thing I do agree I killed you my heart mourns every day for what could have been yet fate didn't give us the time fate seems to hate me. perhaps in another life I did something to offend it and it has came back to make my life hell you didn't make my life hell you and your siblings were perfect. I'm afraid licoricefire has told me to stay away from you from all of /his/ kits so I don't know if I will be able to apologize which might be a fate worse than death. I never fought you about your mate in flurryclan I thought she was absolutely wonderful the times I had met her so why did you happen to hate tortrix with a passion? maybe love made me blind maybe I shouldn't have fallen in love in the first place would that have made you happier? I seem to have so many questions I'll never get the answer to might one day I be able to see you again? without your father hating me without you casting me away we have all eternity to do so when I die I get to see you if you should so let me I couldn't be a good mother in life but please please give me the chance to be one in death I had nine lives but none of them were half as perfect as the one I had you in. Even if you don't believe me even if you curse me, please know I love you for a mother's love should be unconditional no matter if you hate me no matter if your siblings hate me I have always tried to be there for you and if in your mind I haven't for that I could never be sorrier for. give me another chance once I pass on please let us restart I feel as if I'm pleading, begging for something that I know has the smallest chance of changing but if you could let me, be the mother I couldn't be while you were alive I couldn't be any happier my life is fleeting, though it has been dragged out for far too long I only have a few moons left on the earth with my grandkits with my alive kits with my former home I cant waste it I will reflect on my actions, just as licor told me to do maybe then, after I have done some thinking you will take me back if not I'm sorry my love I couldn't save you and for that my heart forever aches
