Okokok so new school term back. lovely, isn't it. until your grandfather dies, you loose once close "friends", you have frequent meltdowns and breakdowns, are constantly overwhelmed, and want nothing more than to dissapear. Now, your entire family is shooken up. Now, you're shooken up. Now, all the things you've been hiding, all the problems you mask and hide, the feelings you hide bbehind fake ones, randomly come out in front of your entire class. The hatred for social rejection. The hatred for your father. The pressure of having so many siblings. All the social trauma all the s3xual harrasment and assult thats happened to you people following you people outcasting you loosing friends just due to my interests lashing out at people for being stupid the trauma you have from your father the memeries you have with your grandfather the stress of already being a stupid person and trying to do large assignments without getting overwhelmed. atp why haven't i- sigh. my teacher called it "neurodivercity" but i dont think thats it. I think its just me. she said "your mind works different from people, in a good way. thats why you take longer, and ask so many questions." nope. my brain is not as smart as she thinks its a nihilistic cesspool of horrid thoughts and i absolutley hate it. my eyes hurt so much from crying. why do i have to do this to people. if i didnt exist then people wouldnt worry about me. but i'd never do that. i hate school. i struggle so much and i wish i could just sleep all day. my teachers say "but look at your results and your grades!" dummy. Doesn't mean it was easy. I take ages with work and ask so many questions because im geniunley confused and need help. when i sit there for 30 minutes and do nothing until i can think, thats supposedly "good learning"?!?!?!?! Writeing so much that the words get overlapped and are illegiable is "good learning"??? being slow and having to take my time with simple things is "good learning"!? Me breaking down in tears unexpectedly in front of my entire class is "good learning"? It's not neurodivergency. its just me. im the problem. omg. no one even asked if i was okay. they treated it like a minor disturbance. im done with this.
