so, I have no parents not anymore they don't love me they pretend to they only love an idea of me in their heads pathetic if I get sent to military school, it's the last time i'll go to sleep i'll make VERY sure of that. and I would just smile at their despair that their son, their "son" is filled with holes isn't breathing resting in his pool of red and i'd laugh at how my own spite had killed me before I never believed in ghosts or wandering souls but it might be nice to spectate the world, wouldn't it be? in case you missed the memo you don't get to ship off someone you "love" and you especially don't expect them to stand their and take your bs you don't get to tell them about how they're "this fuccing close" It dawned on me that hour ago that i'm not safe I can't confide in them anymore anytime I feel unsafe around dad, within a week mom is screaming at me about grades, and how i'm "not stupid", how it shouldn't be like this and when I lean towards dad I haven't in years suddenly it's military school threats, just like it always is a few years back after a long car ride back home from something I don't quite remember he asked me if it would make me feel better if he left he asked, "Sam, do you want me to leave?" Sam should've said yes but no, Sam was a coward Kadie is still a coward, And Emma tries to keep them together but it's inevitable that, in the end, they fall apart the mask slips maybe they find my pronouns maybe they see my art maybe they ... why am i telling you this, haha... to think this started over me not writing an email to a teacher the right way... I'll tell you who's "this fuccing close", parasitic piece of bull caca I am Maybe, CPS will take me away and put me somewhere better or they'll put me somewhere infinitely worse Maybe i'll just gut myself who knows? not me, that's for true. G'night, lads. don't report this it won't do anything
