Reality has finally settled in for me. This may be an interesting post today. First of all, it's not a "I suck, and I'm sorry" or "What will the future be?" it's a- "I'm really...actually really sad." I'm in a family of 7, being 2 parents, and 5 kids, I'm child number 4. My younger brother and I are very different people. And our biggest problem, or at least I have with him is how he acts. It's not the ideal person I want to be near. And he's 4 years younger than me. I love him, but I have a wall put up between him and I. There are details, but they are pretty harsh, and I don't want to share them, but he doesn't deserve that kind of exposure. So with that wall I look up to my older brothers and sister. They are the greatest adults to ever live. Time went on, and they slowly started moving away. Before I knew it, it was me, my older brother, and a wall. I was the happiest teen ever, even though I was struggling through out my 1.5-now times of being on Scratch, being with that guy made my day, we were barely separate in age, just over a year of gap. The thing that made me grow to love him even more, was that he was a father figure to me. Imagine a single young dad adopting a teenager to be a modern figure. He was all I could ask for. I love my dad, my actual dad. But his way of life, and how he see's standards are so different, it's honestly 2 different cultures in my house. And my older brother was my 'modern dad' He gave me the guidance a father should give to their kids. My dad tried, but his advice was for his time, my dad and I are a whole 2 generations apart, and in retrospect it's not that much, but were really whole different ages. He grew up sneaking out during dinner to play baseball, street hockey right after school, high school ball was rough housing. I'm growing up where I hide my DS/3DS under my pillow, I'm learning Rec Soccer, and Baseball, and iPhones. And so being blessed with a Gen Z sibling who has adult eye, but is only 19, really made me feel like I had guidance... About 3 hours from when I had posted this 5:30 MST. He left. Moved out. Gone. Now obviously, you might think "Oh hey just text him." ...I really can't. He's serving a religious mission. Meaning he's 2 years without any constant contact with home, and siblings. My older siblings had that too. So why am I crying to an audience of children about this? I want you all to know this. This is a rite of passage. You will realize that you aren't being taught how to do stuff, you aren't being shown the right way, YOU are the one doing that now. I have to teach my younger brother how to be a class clown, but not fail. I have to get a job, and actually really pass school with true effort. I'm not ready, and to be blunt nobody will be ready, all of those AP kids, all of those work hard Straight A, teacher glazing, cornballs, aren't ready. I tell you this not to be afraid, but to be ready to not be ready. But just know I love you all. I value all of your guys' presence, even if I'm not responding to comments, or I'm being blunt or rude, I'm still grateful you guys chose to follow me. So be ready for the dirt. Love you guys.
