WARNING!!‼️ This project and story contains: bl00d, homicide investigations, v1olence, and lwk mvrd3r NOT SUTIBLE FOR PEOPLE 13 AND UNDER. You have been warned dont report me i’m begging y’all dont report me Chapter 7: Insanity (i know that i switch perspectives each chapter but i wanted to add this to chapter 6 but i couldn’t cus 6 would have been too long, so we’re still in Shinji’s pov) Shinji got in his car, his gloved hands gripping the steering wheel so tight they were locking up. He tried to drive normally. If he got pulled over right now he’d be screwed. He shivered. The heat was broken in his car, and the nights in November were cold. ‘Kaoru.’ How he hated that man. How he hated him so much with such a burning passion. And now that Kaoru is no more….. He still felt hatred. So much hatred. Kaoru had acted like a child. It wasn’t hard to get him. Shinji made sure he felt it. He made sure. But now, this emptiness in his chest was filled with so many emotions…and he didn’t know what to do with them. He was out of c1garettes and drinks, and he couldn’t go to the store right now, not looking like this, bl33ding from his head and covered in….. He couldn’t take out someone else. He didn’t have anyone else to take out. And he sure as hell wasn’t going after an innocent person. That, he’d never do. Acting like he had any sense of justice or morals was a pastime for him now. He stopped at a red light, the warm color of it illuminating his face. How Shinji hated the color. Red. Red. All he saw now was red. He’d brought it on himself. He didn’t bother trying to find someone to blame anymore. Not Makoto. Not his father or mother. He knew it was all him. It was still a searing pain in his brain. He couldn’t get rid of it. The only way was d3ath. The light turned green. He drove. As always, he had nothing but himself to haul into his apartment. He left the w3apons he’d used at the crime scene. Part of him hoped that he’d left a fingerprint somewhere. But he knew he didn’t. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt weighed down on him. It was his fault he was guilty. He was guilty. So was L. L’s guilt would change everything after this case. By the time the Kira Case would roll around, L’s guilt will have shaped him into an immoral creature. And that was Shinji’s fault, too. He slammed his apartment door shut, his chest heaving. ‘Kotone…Kotone..’ Her name played over and over in his head. Shinji threw his coat off, his teeth gritted through gasps as he stumbled to the washroom. He turned the tap on, scrubbing his hands over and over and over until they were raw, from the scrubbing and the scalding heat of the water. Shinji realized what he’d done, winced, and turned the water cold. He stood there for so long, staring at his hands as the last bit of crimson liquid was washed down the drain. His head slowly lifted up, to see himself in the mirror. Who was this person? He wasn’t Shinji, was he? His eyes were far too dead and tired to be Shinji. Hair too messy, face too pale. Hands too red, even after being scrubbed, still the red remained in this stranger's mind. Arms and legs and body and mind, too scarred, too abnormal, too deranged and psychotic to be Shinji. Arms and legs and body and mind, far too….insane. “….I am not insane…” Shinji whispered to that stranger in the mirror. “I’m not insane….I’m not insane. I’m not insane, I’m not insane I’m not insane I’m not insane I’m not insane I’m not insane I’m not insane I’m not insane I’m not insane I’m not insane I’m not insane-“ He heaved it out like a mantra, over and over, staring at the stranger in the mirror as the stranger became someone he knew. Someone he knew well, so well that it was insane. His fist cracked against the glass mirror, though right then he was far too weak to shatter it completely. He stared, wide-eyed and glassy, at that cracked reflection of someone who wasn’t a stranger anymore. It wasn’t a friend, enemy, sibling, father, mother…. It was him. “….I’m insane..I’m insane, I’m insane I’m insane I’m insane I’m insane I’m insane I’m insane I’m insane I’m insane I’m insane I’m insane…” And he was. He was insane.
He collapsed on the ground, cradling his bl00dy hand, tiny glass shards sticking up from his knuckles as his chest heaved, sobbing. He didn’t cry for himself. He didn’t care about himself. Not anymore. He cried for Kotone. The nicest person he’d met. His best friend. He loved her so much it hurt. And now she was d3ad, and the last memory she had of him was him fake smiling. He cried for…Ryuzaki. The young detective he barely knew. Shinji guessed he’d been solving cases for years. That was even worse. He cried for this man he barely knew, because he’d tied that man’s hair kindly, with the humble part of him that gave a d4mn about people, and walked away with the part of him that k1lled Kaoru. Shinji hated this. He hated this world. He hated his job, he hated people, he hated Ryuzaki yet he didn’t, he hated Kotone yet he didn’t. He hated everything he’d ever done yet he didn’t. ‘Enough..This ends soon. Do something….’ He made a plan there, sobbing on the floor. He was going to do something. Get caught. And finally leave L alone. Because Shinji believed L didn’t want to investigate. Didn’t want to save Shinji. He believed that L wanted to be done with Shinji, no matter the price. That had never been the plan, Shinji. How wrong Shinji had been. L didn’t want to just end Shinji. He wanted to save him. But guilt is funny. And after this, L didn’t want to save anyone anymore. Story: @PandaSans765 Plot and Writing: @PandaSans765 Art (when it comes..): @PandaSans765 ok y’all two more chapters to go !!!
