[vent] do any of you all actually care though

Instructions

potential trigger warning, might be kinda venty idk its very emotionally vulnerable but PLEASE read if you can this is a topic I feel i’ve been mentioning quite a bit lately but I’d like to actually discuss it in full I’ll be frank, I wish my ocs got more attention. and before you call me a selfish rat, please listen and please, I’m begging you please read the entire thing what nobody seems to understand about me is how obsessed I am with myself. I am a grade a narcissist. all I ever think about is how what I’m doing is going to effect how people think of me. I’m always thinking about what to wear, how to act, what to do so people will like me more. see, ive got this story or more a show in my head. a fully animated 4-5 season show (with a 2 season prequel) and it is actually going to destroy me and the thing is I’ve planned out this whole story, I know the whole thing, down to what I’d name certain episodes, what gags to throw in, exact dialogues, even what music I’d play in the outros. problem is, this show is literally all that’s in my head. all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. I obsess over certain scenes certain days, some weeks I’m more focused on the death scenes, some the prequel series, some just the fluffy stuff. literally all the time, these guys are stuck in my head like little worms and truth is, I think this show would be absolutely incredible if it really existed. I think it would really make my life worth it. problem with that is that it could never really exist. I’d never have the motivation to make the whole thing. I’d never have the skills to make it exactly how I picture it. I’d have like 7 seasons to make all by myself, fully animated and there is no way I would finish even a single episode. thing is, I think I could live just fine with it not existing, if people actually cared about the story itself. not to be selfish but I feel like I don’t have a large following on scratch. yes, 500 people is a lot, however the average project gets like 20 views at best and those are mostly my art dumps. most of my followers are either people who followed me a long time ago and are no longer active or little kids who I really can’t count since they’ll revere anything that moves. really, the thing about me is I just want people to care when I say something. I post a lot of vent-like content on scratch, but it barely gets any attention since all people want from me is my art. they’ll just ignore all my pain if they get to see the art I made through it. I really just want people to care about me myself, not my art. and these ocs are myself. they are all warped versions of myself. and I use them to communicate things about myself, all my frustrations and emotions are funneled through these guys and turned into imaginary episodes in an imaginary show but having neither the show nor the story is literally tearing me apart. issue is, the show cannot exist and the story will never be enough. I want so badly for all my incredible scenes to exist. and I know that nobody really cares. you’ll finish skimming this and then just move on to something else. but nobody seems to understand just how much this show is consuming me. it is all I literally ever have in my mind. it is my ENTIRE LIFE. MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE. so you may think its just a little thing but for me THIS IS MY ENTIRE LIFE. IT IS ALL I AM. but since it can never exist I guess it’ll just have to die with me. thing is, I could skim along like this forever. I could live day to day, wake up, go to school, come home, go to sleep, I could do this forever, IF it wasn’t for this show. it is literally killing me LITERALLY KILLING ME i wish I could just press a button and have the whole thing exist just as it is in my mind. so if that’s not an unhealthy obsession, I don’t know what is so what does this have to do with you? literally nothing. you can go along with your life and forget all about this. but I hope I at least made an impression. that’s all I’ve ever wanted, just to impact someone’s life in a big enough way. and please, maybe take some amount of interest in me or my ocs because the way things are looking, I’ll be completely torn apart by april