cold - A Magnificentmuse SRP

Instructions

They're gone. They're both gone. Forever frozen. . . . It was probably the coldest day of the year. Maybe the only time Magnificentmuse could actually feel the bitter ice. Why didn't his resistance to the freezing cold work? It always worked. Maybe it was internal. He sure felt like his whole world was freezing over. Cold. Why didn't anyone tell him how it felt? The icy cold that sliced his heart with every breath. . . . He'd heard- He wasn't sure what he'd heard. Marvelousmercy and Sereneswoop? Both dead. How? He didn't know. He ran out after the first words were spoken. It didn't take many. "Marvelousmercy and Sereneswoop have passed." Have passed. Have passed. Have passed. . . . His little kits... Maybe not so little anymore. They were warriors. Strong warriors... but still. His little kits. . . . How many of his children were still alive? He was a bad father. . . . He didn't know. . . . Where was he now? He'd looked around. Snow. Snow was cold. Probably not as cold as him. Not just the icy feeling inside. He was cold to his kits. He didn't mean to! No! . . . Emotion is hard. Tears feel salty. When was the last time he cried? When his last kit died. They only dripped into the snow. Becoming one with the frozen water. Tears. . . . His head was a mess. A jumble of thoughts. Nothing was a full sentence. Are thoughts sentences? Starclan, he was going crazy out here. . . . Walk. Walk Magnificentmuse. It's time to go back to camp. You can't stay out here. Move. . . . Shouldn't he know the feeling of grief? Be able to bear it? He knows it all too well. Galaxyfur. Strikingkit. Impressivepaw. Fabulousdaydream. Now, his little unicorn. Sereneswoop. His northern lights, Marvelousmercy. . . . His limbs moved automatically, subconsciously. It was a while til he snapped back to reality and was aware of his surroundings. He'd made it back to camp. Iceclan. . . . As Magnificent walked, walked, walked, he could feel the looks that he knew harbored pity. Whispers as he passed. . . . He found himself in a dark place. No, not his mind, but that was close. He'd curled up in the back of the warrior's den. Letting more tears fall. Running through his fur. The apprentices will come clean up the nest later. . . . There was- There's a kit that Marvelousmercy brought back to camp? Not too long ago? Right? Yes...? Majestickit? He could've laughed if his throat didn't feel constricted. Look at him, copying Mag's naming conventions. . . . His thoughts swirled. How did Majestickit feel right now? About Marvelousmercy? She probably didn't know about Sereneswoop. How could she? Unless a clanmate told her, but for some reason he doubted it. She wouldn't feel sadness for relatives she didn't know. Probably. . . . Striking, impressive, fabulous, serene, marvelous Majestickit. He wanted to see her. Wanted to see the reminder of one of his kits. But, would it hurt? To remember? The coldness was seeping in again. Piercing his heart. . . . Sweetpaw, Joypaw, he wanted to go see them. See if they grieved. . . . Gloriousgale. What did she think? Her thoughts were always hard to read. She probably didn't want to see him. . . . Crack. Crack. A little push would shatter him. . . . He didn't know what to do. The cold was unbearable. . . . Out. He wanted to go out. Magnificent slowly stood up. Gazing at the light that filtered into the den. It's been days, hasn't it? He'd been thinking too much. Stuck in the den. Taking the food offerings given to him. Drinking from moss. His fur must be a mess. . . . A step. A step forward. The sun felt warmer. He was in the sun. . . . The light felt nice. Forwards. Move forwards. Forwards into your life. Move forwards. No use staying behind. The sun kept shining. The stars kept twinkling. Even when they watched all the grief. . . . Forever. Forever would he feel the pang of despair. The cold enveloping him. Suffocating him. But still, he could move. Enjoy what still lives. Enjoy who still lives. He could do that. Protect yourself from the cold. Bring the musings into the light.