(i didn't actually hit my head against a wall) ok. i'm getting straight to the point. I can't handle anything anymore. I just feel hysterical sometimes. I can't do anything right. and then, when I screw up, I feel like nothing can get worse. and then it always does. i know I shouldn't be surprised by any of this deep inside, but I always hate myself. to me, the worst part is that I forget sometimes. I hate that I somehow forget how I feel sometimes. especially around friends. I shouldn't be allowed to feel ok right now. to me, this is the worst part. things are tense at home, and i'm absolutely frustrated with how incompetent I am. I threw away 20 hours (2-3 per day for two weeks excluding weekends) for an exam that really mattered, and I don't even think I did well. in fact, i don't think I ever have done something right. you know what? i'm probably only posting this on this useless platform because all of my friends, family, and scratch pals gloss over all of this and I don't get to talk about any of it. it doesn't help i'm in a hard place with my insecurities right now as well. so, to put it in short, I'm an incompetent mess. I don't even know why I posted this tbh, it kinda just helps me a little. don't even try and comfort me, it only matters if I smile for you right?
anyone who cares
