Every single time I think about coming out, imposter syndrome takes hold. Every. Single. Frickin'. Time. And then it ends with me just leaving my gender alone and being a boy. But then, eventually I realize once more that I *want* to be a girl. But do I? If I truly wanted that, would I feel like this? Would I actually feel like the first step is impossible? I can't see a future where I'm a man, but also not a future where I'm anything else. What's wrong with me? Have I pressured or reinforced this belief that I'm a woman with pfps and video game characters? With long hair? Why do I look at them and go "this is why I need to be a girl, so that this feels truly right." Is that what I should feel? Is that thought because I do actually associate them more with me than any picture I have? But is that true? Why do I feel like this would be all so much easier or believable if I were just a girl? Or words on a screen? I'm scared of realizing I'm not trans, and being a boy. I'm even more scared of accepting that.
