for an explanation, i talked to d, and she still needs space, and i said smth like "can't we just leave all of this behind us?" i waited for a moment for her to say smth, but she didn't. so i said "ok, just don't say anything then." and i walked off. then, not even a min later, one of my friends jumpscared me (s) (she does that to me) and i crashed out on her bc it gives me a heart attack. i yelled and pushed her, and i walked off and sat down at a bench. one of my friends saw me there, (k) and we went back to where all of my friends sit. (k, d, s, s, t) and me and k talked for a lil, until 2 of my friends (s, the same i crashed out on and c) walked up to me. they said d doesn't want to be friends with me anymore, which tbh, i wanted to say to. but it broke my heart. we made lots of good memories together, and she ended it like that. i acted like it was fine, but it's not. we had over a year of friendship, gone in a blink of an eye. THEN, s said they also didn't want to be friends with me anymore cause i lashed out on her and pushed her. we weren't rlly close, but that felt like a stab in the back... times 10. s and c walked off, and k comforted me, which was the only good thing. me and k walked, talked for a lil, and s pushed me back cause i pushed her. oh, btw, this happened in one recess. 20 minutes. that would have to be the worst recess of my life. i rlly just want to be put into a room, where i can weep on the floor. cause it's a lot. and i also have a math test today and a hass assignment due and hass validation. ....can it just all end...? ... if anyone is confused, check 'i feel like living now </3 / rant.' to get the details. thanks.
