suffering without a cause . a pitcherpour srp .

Instructions

srp .. pitcherpour .. she/it/flutter/they in order of preference around 30 moons at death. shade here you stand, facing into the fragile end of a fragile day. you have been waiting for this day for longer than you remember. time begins to fade when you have eternity, and with nobody to see, you have only been waiting. waiting. you thought you were good at waiting. she gave you something to wait for, didn't she? you was waiting for her to go. you stood here for forever, simply waiting. and now you're gone. and now you have nothing to wait for. --- pitcherpour thought she would be happy to see maplestar go. it'd spent flutter's whole afterlife hoping that when maplestar, who she had hated for what felt like all of time, she would finally have closure. it did not. they felt only a sickening hollowness, like staring into a clouded pond and knowing for certain that the bottom is close, yet being unable to see anything but one's own reflection. had pitcherpour really wanted maplestar to die? --- she does not remember you, does she? you do not deserve to be remembered by her. she gave you nothing but love and you turned it away at each second, and you have spent your whole afterlife forcing yourself to take breaths you do not need, so that you may pretend that you are breathing longer than she was. your spite is the one thing that is still yours and you hate it. you hate it. could you have not found it in your heart to apologize? your forgiveness means nothing. she has done nothing wrong. you have made an enemy out of the one cat who saw each and every being as a friend. she loved so well and so often, and you hated. you hated that she was happy. you hated that she /loved./ why must you live and die in jealousy? why can you not just love? --- pitcherpour refused to love. if flutter chose now to love, would it not be losing? would she not have lost to maplestar, the one battle that it was determined to fight forever? was it really a battle, if maplestar never fought? if maplestar never knew of the hatred that pitcherpour held within the very cages of her soul? it wasn't. yet pitcherpour still tired of fighting. she had nothing to wait for anymore . the fight was over . pitcherpour had won, hadn't she? against who? itself? was that why flutter ached so? because she had spent the past hundred moons at the border, fighting against nothing? fighting against nothing but its own envy that maplestar could love? no. that would mean that her anger had been wasted. that flutter's suffering wasn't for a good cause. that it wasn't for a cause at all. suffering without a cause . loving without a cause . --- you're pathetic, you know that? you do not deserve the mercy of being forgotten. you do not deserve the mercy of being unseen. you deserve to be seen for all of your hatred, in all of your twisted glory. you cannot refuse to love, you fool. you can only hide it away in a cage like a kitty pet, and it will never know the freedom of being alive. love is not so black and white, you know. you can love someone and be jealous of their being loved. and you loved her. you loved licor, too. you love them still. how does it feel to have loved so wholeheartedly yet so closedmindedly?