I GENUINELY hate my fam and life sometimes When I was younger, everything felt so bright and peaceful, and after I grew more and more, I became more aware. I feel like I know too much for a grade 6 kid. There’s drama with my dad’s side mostly, he’s an angry guy and I genuinely can’t trust sharing or venting my problems to him. I only do that with my mom. He’s extremely homophobic and biased toward religion stuff (no respect for other religions except Christianity) , it makes me uncomfortable thinking about all that. I feel like I’m bisexual but I doubt I’ll ever come out until I become an adult. My parents fight more these days, but kind of getting better at the same time. ig. It’s not like an @busive household or anything, my dad just has anger issues. I remember telling my mom, while we were lying down together, I felt stressed for upcoming exams and thinking about school drama and work, and yk what she said? “(Irl name), you’re the only positive person in this house, you can’t be sad!” … I dont know if she meant that as a joke or not. I feel like she just EXPECTS me to be all happy and gung-ho positive. Honestly, the only reason I TRY to stay positive (both online and irl) is because i don’t want anyone to feel alone like i do most of the time. Literally everyone in my house is stressed and angry, i just tried staying happy so they might feel better. I always had a saying, “the bad vibes we give off stick with someone for the rest of the day”. I never really wanted to make anyone sad, or see anyone sad. Ik, im just being unrealistic. Just trying to spread some hope in a dark world. And SUDDENLY people think i am unable to experience sadness and “sunshine and rainbows” becomes my whole personality according to others. I hate it. A lot is changing with me. I feel more quiet and angry these days, my music taste is changing from the usual JVKE and Beethoven to femtanyl, stomach book, etc, I feel sick and frustrated, even a small mistake ruins my entire day, i want to tear my skin sometimes and i feel sensitive. PoP is the only way i can really vent out my frustration and anger while still putting comedy and positivity into it. PoP was always my way of putting my real feelings and dark thoughts into a universe. Im all in for hope, but its extremely unrealistic to think a ‘positive’ person will always stay positive, and can never feel sad because they have to keep up with that persona of happiness, Please dont ever push your happy friend when they are sad. They might be going through a lot more than you think. I’m sorry if ever sound rude or crazy/not mentally ok whenever I talk to people, my personality changes rly fast when I’m around others (that’s why I can post fluff one second and heartbreaking shi the next) And whatever art I post about PoP, angsty or fluff, please don’t take it in a negative way! My art can be easily misinterpreted for its meaning because not everyone understands the true meaning behind what I try to show cus I’m still figuring out my artstyle ;-; This isn’t even a vent anymore, I just feel angry (not about the misinterpretation, just at life itself). Hope everyone has a good day.
