Chapter 20 - Friday: What do I even say? I was looking forward to this, but I also felt a melancholy the whole day, that I couldn't place. Of course I wanted to go to the Youth Group, but I also wanted to curl into a ball and cry. When I arrived, I felt uncomfortable, why? I didn't know until I realised Joy didn't run at me as I came in. I looked around, only to find Penny. 'Hey Penny.' I whispered as I watched her play a card game. 'Oh! Hi.' 'Hey! Anyone wanna play snap?' One of the leaders, Andrew, asked. I still felt empty and lonely where I stood, so I went over and quietly grabbed the cards. 'Hey Mary, how are you?' Andrew asked as I sat down. 'I'm.... Okay, better now schools over.' 'Are you doing anything for the holidays?' 'I haven't planned anything, but hoping to.' I answered, just before collecting some more cards. 'What do you like to do in your free time? Any hobbies?' I thought for a moment, 'I like singing and dancing.' I got a small smile. 'Oh nice, what do you like to dance to?' 'I really like K-pop.' 'I know a guy who's into K-pop. Do you just watch the videos and learn the dances from those?' 'If I like a song, I look up a tutorial basically.' He nodded. As Coco, Penny and I went to sit down to eat, my heart screamed and I almost jumped out of my chair. Ethan was walking in. 'Oh no oh no oh no oh no.' I said. Coco and Penny looked at me, slightly concerned. Penny saw Ethan sit down at the next table and smiled slightly. I looked at Coco and whispered, 'Don't look back, don't look back, please don't look back.' Coco spun her whole head around and quickly turned back to me. 'WHAT WAS THAT?' I laughed. She smiled, looking slightly embarrassed. Sometime during the dinner, Penny told me the class had been shipping her with someone new. 'They're shipping me with Adam. They keep saying we look so good together. We fight all the time. He's a year older than me, fourteen!' I glanced up at Ethan, who was the same year as both me and Adam. 'Wait, how old is Ethan?' Penny glanced at him and replied, 'I think fifteen on his birthday.' I nodded. 'Which is later in the year. Sorry just had to check if the ship could be.... legal.' Penny smiled, 'Of course it's legal.' Several times during dinner, I noticed Ethan look at us, either because we were laughing our heads off or something else. We all sat back in front of the leaders as they explained the game we'd play. 'We'll be playing chain tag.' Mark said. 'One person is the tagger. If you tag someone,' he demonstrated by grabbing Andrew's hand. 'They have to stay holding your hand for the rest of the game. They also are now a tagger.' Andrew grabbed Ivy's hand. 'The game ends when everyone is connected in a chain.' 'Don't get caught by a boy!' Joy whispered. 'It would be a shame if...' Penny was looking in my direction. 'Oh I don't know, someone tapped you...' 'Don't, just don't.' I let out a small nervous laugh. We entered the hall, as it turned out, we very much needed that space. Joy, Penny, Coco and I stood together near the wall. The leaders started counting down. 'WAIT,' I shouted. 'WHO'S THE TAGGER?' Penny and Joy realised they didn't know either and all four of us got frantic. Then Mark started catching people and we figured it out pretty quick. I ran off one way and I don't even know what happened to the others. I was feeling pretty good and was dodging quite well, then I went the wrong way and got captured by Coco. After a while, we separated into two smaller tag chains and went off in different directions. I was reaching and running to catch someone, anyone, when I saw Ethan and considered completely ignoring his presence, but decided to try anyway. I only just missed him, but felt very happy. By the end of the first game, my lungs were grasping for air that didn't want to appear. My chest felt tight and dry and I was ready to take a break. I sat down off to the side and told Coco how close I was to catching Ethan. After a while, she decided to go and dance in the mirror on one of the walls of the hall. I was finally feeling slightly less breathless, when they said they would do a second game of chain tag. I jumped up and ran, only to be one of the first to be caught. We were turning around to face the middle of the room again, when I saw Ethan, out of the corner of my eye, standing close by, watching for our next move. I ran as fast as I could and touched his shoulder only just. Ethan stopped and we waited for him to catch his breath before he joined the chain. You were supposed to go to the side that you were caught by, but by the time he was ready, he wasn't sure which side to go on, so Mark just told him to go on the opposite side from me, cause he was closer to that one now. As we went past Coco and her chain, I signaled that I had caught Ethan. Her mouth fell open and she looked scandalised that Ethan had gone to the wrong end, but I just laughed. As we walked back to the little room, I got the courage to say hi to Ethan.
'Hey Ethan, how are you?' I said in a normal voice, but it felt like I was shouting. He turned around and saw me. 'Oh hello, I'm okay, how are you?' I paused looked off to the distance, 'I'm fine.' I wanted to talk to him more, but I didn't know what to say and I was scared I'd mess up if I said anything more. As we listened to the talk, I started to quietly stress out, I don't even know why. My brain was working at a hundred kilometres an hour. After the talk, I still felt overwhelmed by something. We went up to the Church for some quiet time and once I sat down, I couldn't stop it. Tears ran down my face and I sat down on the floor. I didn't know what to do, so I just kept crying until we left the Church. We went into smaller groups to discuss the talk we had listened to, but I didn't really listen. When my group came back to the room, we found the middle of the room was getting set up for musical chairs. I stood next to a chair and felt ready to lose straight away, but it turned out I was doing okay. After a few stops of the music, Coco and I lunged for the same chair and she got there first. I stood off to the side and cheered her on as the game went on. Coco got out and walked over to me. We both started cheering on our friends. 'Go Ethan.' I whispered. Coco laughed and said it a bit louder. At one point I was looking for Joy and Penny, but made eye contact with Ethan instead. We held it for a couple seconds and he looked away. I looked down slightly and glanced at Coco, who had seen the whole thing. She gave me sly grin, but didn't mention it. After the game, we all took a group photo, then went to wait for out parents. I stood near the doorway, but glanced back to Ethan, who was also making his way, very slowly, to the doors. Coco tried to shove me towards him, but I stood firm, or rather my body did. My heart screamed to walk over and talk to him, but my brain was blank for what to say with all the people around. As we walked out to my dad, I felt tears building up. I felt like a coward, how was I supposed to get anywhere acting like this? As we drove home, I was silent, looking out the window. When we got home, I pretended it was just cause I was tired, but really I was angry and upset with myself. Maybe Sunday would be different, or maybe I'd be a disappointment again.
