her vow was not complete. sure, she had stayed quiet for tens of moons but that wasn't what a vow was, was it? it was about thinking, reflecting on your past actions, apologizing for your sins you had commited and promising you would never do it again she wouldn't do it again, she would never hurt anyone again, for her heart would shatter into even more pieces and she didn't know if she could bear that cats were supposed to be happy in starclan. joyous. assuming she went there but she had yet to know if she would feel that. the happiness she had felt with licoricefire, with all of her kits, with all of her grandkits, with her clan with tortrxblight. so with that, she thought she might as well be due for some apologies to everyone she had hurt no matter the size or reason. for she had to assume, that their broken heart was worse then her's. Delphine. I know I should start with you, because it is you who I failed first and the worst. I would give up my position as leader, not even having taken it in the first place if it meant mossclan would have never died. you were the mother I never had, please you have to forgive me. words do not describe how I have felt so much hurt for the ones I have killed. their ghosts taunt me every waking and sleeping second, and yours is the loudest chorus of them all. because I should have been better. a leader does not let her clan die. I'm so... so sorry. licoricefire. I cannot express the sorrow I feel for what we could've had and what I should've made sure that we kept. I would promise you tomorrow and the tomorrow after that if only I could keep you a moment longer and hold you closer than I did when I was alive. you were the roots grounding me and I felt like I couldn't stop drifting once you were gone. please forgive me, my darling. I'm so sorry. charadecharm. how many times have I said how proud I am of you? should I have said it more? I should have. you were one of the best medics I could ask for and I never should have done the things I did. I forgave you the moment after what happened at starclan's mouth and wish I could have whispered it to you every day since. serenademarvel. you were my third apprentice. many might say that third times the charm. I believe even if I had you as my first it, I would have done even better then I did. and I didn't do a good job. you were such a powerful warrior, and a good one at that. I can't get the credit for that, but one day I hope I can get the credit of being your mother. cadenza. I would watch you perform a show in every lifetime just to see your face light with a smile again. every stage I would set for you by paw to let you know that I love you. I could listen to your ideas for festivals any hour, any second because you were worth every bit of my time that I had. I love you so much. hiraethhalo. my second medic. you would have been amazing even if you weren't one. my heart was so full of love when I first laid eyes on you and your siblings though now I can only feel as if I failed you. which I shouldn't feel because I should /know/ it. and I do. one day I hope you can look me in the eyes without feeling pity, frustration, hurt, anger. please. I love you more than words can describe. snugvow. I knew I didn't make a mistake making you deputy. you were one of the best ones I could ask for, even if it was just for such a short while. but then I failed you. and now I know you only feel hate for me. I wonder if I will ever see you again, or if you have permanently disappeared. just know you have my most love. your kits are wonderful, they look just like you. sastrugi, squall, all of them, they are perfect. my third litter. I had to include all of you on this because I failed all of you at the same time. fulminarekit, fablekit, empyreankit, I thought you would have a life in flurryclan, where I could visit you and play with you in the flower fields once you became apprentices. but then that clan died. perhaps I poison every clan that I step into. I can only hope urchinclan is not next. sunfallear, merakimrytle, lacunapaw, my lovely urchinclan kits.
cont. from above. . . . . I am as proud of you as the mountains are proud of the valley they created. you have made peace in my heart and I hope one day I can make peace in yours. bluebellcrest. I hated how things ended. we fought about such trivial manners. I only wonder if you had been there when the clan died how different it would have been. perhaps you would have hated me as well, and shunned me from you. or you would have embraced me as we did as children. you always believed I would be a leader, even when we wear apprentices. I hope one day we can see each other again. mossclan. you are my biggest apology. I have the blood of hundreds of cats on my paws because I wasn't good enough. and that will never leave my head. I will carry the weight of the mistakes I made even in starclan where I will never be free. you all are my roman empire. it may not be random, like roman empires should be, but it is mine nevertheless. you all have my heart, my soul and my promises. my love and my sorrow. everything that is mine is all of yours to share and carry with you however you want. I never had thought of true love until I got to take care of all of you, no matter how old or small. you all were my first children, from the day I became a leader and from then on my entire life. I love you more than the stars love the moon. more than whenever the kits whisper 'I love you to the moon and back' to their parents. you have my deepest gratitude for making me who I am, yet my deepest apologies for causing you to be what you are. to all my clanmates, no matter what time you were apart of moss clan, I hope one day you will forgive me and everything I did. you are my entire heart, and every nook and cranny is filled with your love. thank you. there were surely more. more that she could apologize to. but she would have to do those in person when she saw them again. because with love came heartbreak which means she had too much of it. but broken hearts could be stitched together it was only a matter of time . . . . the death. https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/1378662643/ the letter. https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/1380051364/ thank you's. https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/1378673847/
