I need to type this out quickly before everything leaves my head So this morning well for me atleast my mom started out talking about how me and my siblings taking care of our younger brother better(we're trying) too her hyper focusing on ME and saying that anything I'm focusing myself on doesn't matter, any little thing I enjoy doesn't matter, saying anything I put myself towards doesn't matter because eventually I will die, and shes not wrong, everyone will die, what she is wrong about is saying that it doesn't matter when it absolutely will. you see my family(or at least my mom and dad) are Christians and me and my sibs were raised that way, while not sure about my siblings I am very sure myself after getting older I don't align with this religion, my points are as follows. Its Illogical. as someone who's taking a very nice liking to Science I've grown up to a logical person in a sense, you all may find this kind of backwards considering how my characters are designed, in my eyes they are when logic can be thrown out the window, but even in them I use some logic for how they act, things they can do, etc. but when it comes to Christianity no offense to anyone but it doesn't make sense, I would go on about it but I would only be making people feel offended so I wont. Im only mentioning it because my mom said that instead of enjoying myself in whatever I can I should turn my eyes to God, in that I must say that I don't really care anymore at this point, I don't believe in such a thing because it just doesn't make sense, again I would explain myself but this would just insult more people which I don't want. after saying I should stop enjoying myself she then went on to compare me to her when she was 16, when she was 16 she was already in college, she skipped a grade in elementary and skipped from 7th-ish to college as if she was smart, and i will admit she is,but she's saying this like im in the same situation as her, her mother my GRANDmother was a teacher, she herself is not, with her having a teacher she can d efintely afford a tutor because she had one in her home daily. but even if my grandma wasn't a teacher, we live completely different lives shes saying I should've turned out like to even better than her when I really shouldn't, why should I become like her, I don't feel like being a nuance to my own kids and ridicule every little thing, hell she is the REASON and the ONLY one to blame to why I feel the way I do, if she was just any better of a parent I wouldn't be ending myself from now to the next 9 years, and when I do, all the blood is on her hands.
And then after all she said she had to the audacity to call me the smartest one in the family, and said that I don't lack anything PICK A SIDE DAMN IT, PICK A DAMN SIDE IF YOUR GONNA SAY STUFF LIKE THIS YOU CANT SAY ALL THE OTHER STUFF YOUR JUST 2 FACED AT THIS POINT AND ONLY ONE OF FACES IS THE REAL YOU AND IT SURE AIN'T THE NICE ONE. Im just..biding my time till my dad gets full custody of me, she can cry all she wants she clearly didn't care enough before,cause she thought she was doing nothing wrong.
