Trigger warning (in order of appearance): Death, wounds, shock, blood, fainting _______________________________________ Sunspiderstar woke up to the melodies of the songbirds, the soft swaying of the branch where he slept. The first few moments after waking up were always pure bliss. It always took a few seconds to remember all of his responsibilities, all of the things there were to worry about. Cider wondered at first why exactly he was sleeping in a tree outside of camp instead of in his warm, soft nest at home, next to the one cat that made her happy. And then she remembered slinking out of camp last night, unable to sleep for what was quite possibly the fiftieth time, and climbing up here. At least it had been away from all of the noise. No cats to wake him up to talk, either. Besides, the tree was just comfortable enough to sleep, but not too comfortable where he was able to sleep /deeply/. Cider tried her very best to avoid that these days. At first, she'd been so thrilled to at last wake up feeling refreshed, but then, the nightmares started coming. Thankfully, the tree method seemed to have worked. He was moderately rested at the very least, and hadn't woken up terrified. /I really should get back to camp,/ Sunspiderstar figured, his jaws parting in a yawn. /Dobsonflydaydream will be looking for me./ A light breeze ruffled her fur as she began to climb down, the lingering fuzziness around his peripheral vison fading with a few more blinks. With one last leap, Cider was at last back on solid ground. After a quick stretch, she set off towards camp, already making a list of things he had to get done today as she walked. Silverfishsolace was taking a few days off to relax, so it was all up to him. Well, the deputy wasn't exactly 'relaxing', maybe that wasn't the right word. It was more like she needed to get away from Sunspiderstar for a while. Which slightly offended the leader, despite his logic telling her it was only fair. In any case, she should probably speak with Meadowhawkmoon, to tell them what he and Silverfishsolace had decided. Really, what /just/ Silverfishsolace had decided, that the medic would receive absolutely no punishment. Did Sunspiderstar /agree/ with this choice? No. But she didn't want to ignore her deputy's advice /again/, especially with her clearly very fragile emotional state. And at least there was a silver lining. He wouldn't have to live with the guilt of coldly sentencing the cat who had once been his friend. He trudged on with a sigh, amber gaze sweeping across MossClan's territory. How about that, it was almost her favorite season. The leaves were already starting to turn yellow and orange, soon the forest would be carpeted in a layer of leaves crunching under his paws. The boulders surrounding camp soon came into view, as intimidating as ever. Bracing himself, the leader ducked through a crack between two of them and into camp. Chicory greeted her as soon as he was all the way through, running at Sunspiderstar and stomping his feet with angry huffs as if to say, "Where have you been?" But Cider wasn't looking at the ram. The camp, there was something off about it, something that drew her attention. The familiar feeling of quiet dread crept up on him, and she knew something was terribly wrong. Was it Meadowhawkmoon? Had he poisoned a new victim? Or Fishmothfrolic, did she tell everycat the mysterious secret he'd been hiding, and was it something horrible? There was a small cluster of cats in the center of camp, all crouched around something. The leader couldn't tell what it was though, they were all blocking it from sight. And the cats in the center looked... desolate. Their ears were back, their shoulders were low, their heads were bowed, and as he came closer, his ears picked up on... oh StarClan. Those were /sobs/. And she realized then with a dreadful certainty that somecat had died. Now, logically, when Sunspiderstar next looked at the faces of the cats that /weren't/ near what could only have been the body, when he saw that some of his Clanmates were /smiling/, that some had looks of disgust on their faces, she should have been able to infer who it was. But the mind is a powerful thing. And it seemed as if some part of Sunspiderstar's wanted to protect him from the ugly truth. So, as she at last pushed through the cats and saw the body, he barely believed her eyes. After all, why would she? Her brain wouldn't work anymore, so why would his eyes be trustworthy? Those eyes saw the body of Leafhopperflight, and that /wasn't/ real. /It's not real, it's not real, it's not real./ Maybe Cider was actually just hallucinating as she lost a life. He'd died before, and the cold blankness she felt now was somewhat reminiscent of the feeling of death. Or maybe she had never woken up after all and was instead still dreaming. This was just another terrible nightmare. continued in N+C
And now that the leader looked at Leafhopperflight's blank, cold eyes, she noticed that the edges of his vision were blurry. Just like they would have been in a dream. So that explained it all, yes. But... nothing /else/ was blurry. Every face was clear and defined, and the angry whispers and quiet sniffles of the cats around him were almost /too/ easy to hear. It couldn't have been a nightmare. So that meant... Cider's gaze seemed to travel against his will. It flicked from Leafhopperflight's still face to her unmoving side, which faced up at the skies like an offering to StarClan. More specifically, Sunspiderstar's attention lingered on the /wound/ that sliced through the mottled pattern of their soft fur. Red, angry, deep... Oh StarClan. /Infected/. The pieces of sticky cobweb still clung to the young warrior's fur, the dried remains of the horsetail he'd used to treat her still spread across the gash. And she realized, all at once, that Leafhopper had died from the worsening wound. In other words, she'd died because Sunspiderstar's treatment hadn't worked. This was real. They were dead, and it was /her fault/. The wind stung his eyes, or maybe it wasn't the wind. Maybe it was the sting of the tears that went all but unnoticed as they fell onto the dry dirt below him. There wasn't any sound anymore, how peculiar. Wait, no, there was sound, a strange thumping sound. /Oh,/ Cider realized, feeling as if she was floating outside of his own body, /My heartbeat./ Her vision seemed to go gray for a moment, and she stumbled, sinking slowly onto the ground. There were some truths about the world that had been revealed of late, that cats changed, that trust was a fragile thing, that perhaps even his own judgement was not to be trusted. But now there was a truth laid down before him, a truth with no alternative angles, no other ways anycat could possibly see it. Sunspiderstar was a killer now, too. She and Meadowhawkmoon were of a kind. And perhaps it was the intention that made the crime. After all, that was what the leader had preached all this time, correct? That was why she'd defended Leafhopperflight so fiercely, why she'd fought so hard to keep her here, why he'd faced backlash and betrayal and arguments alike. Perhaps they weren't really the same. But it didn't change the fact that he'd completed the very goal that Meadowhawkmoon had tried to accomplish from the beginning. Cider absentmindedly turned tail and crawled over to her nest, before he tripped forwards onto the cold ground. A sharp flash of pain blinded the leader as her nose hit a rock. It bled, just like Leafhopperflight's wound surely had in their last moments of life. He heard words before she passed out entirely. Or rather, one word. /Killer/. It echoed over and over again, repeated in the voice of everycat she cared about. /Killer,/ the voice whispered one last time, before the blackness rose up and curled around him, carrying her into a dark and dreamless sleep. ____________________________________________ "ꜱᴇᴇ ʜᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇ ʙʀᴀɪɴ ᴘʟᴀʏꜱ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴀʟʟ ɪɴꜱɪᴅᴇ ᴀ ʜᴏʟᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅɴ'ᴛ ꜱᴇᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴀʟʟ ɪɴꜱɪᴅᴇ ᴀ ʜᴏʟᴇ ɪɴꜱɪᴅᴇ ᴀ- ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ʜᴇʟᴘ ᴍᴇ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀꜱᴛᴀɴᴅ ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴏɴ ɪɴꜱɪᴅᴇ ᴍʏ ᴍɪɴᴅ" ____________________________________________ Just to extra clarify Sunspiderstar did NOT die ok? She just passed out, that's all! Which I'm like pretty sure I don't have to do research for so I just drew off my personal experiences with vasovagal syncope, greyscale vision is a common early symptom. He has lost a life in the past though, which was referenced here. Hope you enjoyed this SRP! I wrote it much faster than I usually do for SRPs and I think I sorta locked in? Also also I tried to do a cool thingy where the thumbnail is in color but the project is monochromatic to reflect greyout due to syncope :D If you press space really fast it's like a simulation of the world fading away! Isn't that cool?
