"but it's so unfair!!!" "so rigged bro" "these popular people lift a finger and get sm views" "and it's not even good" (lowkey some of it's my imagination idk but some people are actual jerks. trust me. i see you...) okay boi. complain what you want. "popular privilege" comes with a price i'm probably the most followed ent / spopper to date, or at least one of the most. i spent 60+ hours per week on this site before i left. for context, a full-day job is about 40-45. i would often stay up to 3am advertising on thousands of profiles, endlessly click after click. i even developed an entire system to maximize quantity. i spent a lot more time committed to this than my homework. before scratch, i was a straight-A student. always. i saw my grades slowly drop. my first A-. i dismissed this. i could easily get my grades up again. it won't be that hard. whatever it's not that big of a deal my first B. my first time crying over grades because my parents yelled at me. my first C. i was standing there for a whole hour for the lecture. and then several additional side conversations every few days. (im so surprised i even managed to get into a good high school) i was already so drained the addition the crave for admiration the hopes for people i could talk to especially as an only child. i already knew how stressed my parents were i didnt want to worry them so i never said anything. i know so many things that i shouldn't about my parents. but aside from that. i was drained. running on less than 5 hours of sleep regularly and struggling to get by with assignments. no wonder. the school counselor thought i was the person who submitted a SH thoughts note. i didn't realize how tired i was until this summer. i got to sleep 10 hours a day. sometimes i would even sleep 14 hours. my mind was away from this site. i didn't realize how consuming it really was. i knew it was addicting, but i actually realize how bad it was. fingers cramping on a keyboard and trackpad quickly assembling sloppy thumbnails with only 5 minutes left before i was supposed to release the project. everything i did slowed down at some point. i overanalyzed everything checked all the little details that never mattered in mixing when nobody cared. my 3 whole years of thumbnail-making experience was more than most people's 3 years. (so in case you get mad over my thumbnails... just know how much it really took.) i was such a joke. so. moral of the story. you wish you were me? fat chance. if you were thinking this already coming into this project... please rethink yourself and get a life. i'm saying this because i was practically a slave. my irl friendships would've been ruined if they weren't such amazing people. depression isn't a joke. forced creativity and peppiness during emotional, physical, and mental burnout isn't healthy. pry yourself away from these things if you're getting to my level. trust me, you will be happy when you make it out. stop comparing yourself.
