Avoidance. Ever since then you carried this overwhelming need to make yourself useful. What exactly was it? Was it the helping people part? Or was it just to distract yourself from having to think about... all of it? Was it the fact you constantly fail to save anybody? Was it the fact that fixing things and making things gave you worth as a person? Was it to escape the guilt? You've always seemed to run from things, Aileen. No matter how brave you present yourself, you will never let yourself take your own problems at full value because you hate pain of any kind- you're scared of admitting it too. Not letting yourself feel it will only make it worse though, Aileen. Stuffing things down doesn't fix anything, nor does it help anyone. Especially not you. You've always been so avoidant. Nobody knows you that well because of that. Not even them. Not the sleepless nights, not the fact that you'll work yourself until you either collapse or start to hallucinate whenever something doesn't work out, not the fact that you hate failing, not the fact that your hands shake whenever you realize you've made a mistake, not the fact that you overcompensate for guilt and shame, not the fact you are terrified of feeling helplessness or despair, none of it. Do you even know you that well? Who are you, Aileen? The fact has been tearing away at your flesh and devouring you for as long as you could remember. One of these days, you aren't gonna be able to laugh it off. What do you plan on doing then, huh? Will you finally sit with it? Or will you run like the coward you always have been? Passion will be the death of you. ——— "It still not good enough." "I need to fix this, I need to fix... this..." (This is just Aileen with her hair down and not covering up her burn scars/in a more casual outfit btw)
WOAH- Aileen angst, who saw this coming/silly Song: do I clench my fists? - ridgeclub
