promises I won't make • a fulminarekit srp

Instructions

they say you can only prove love through action that true sincerity that something someone actually means can only be shown through devotion through always being there in one's darkest moments saying "i love you" takes no effort to speak or say or write in scribblings upon the page for it, without action is empty and meaningless but making promises and fulfilling them and being there even when the weather gets rough and it looks like no light will ever escape the smothering clouds is true love words mean nothing, maplestar. with you, they never did. before the famine, I would have never imagined you'd have left us in the storms of life so where were you? no, I don't mean those moons those lovely, hopeful days before the famine and wolves where in the star's name were you when my brothers and I watched our clan die? "I love you" means nothing when you abandon us to watch the stars go out and to watch the rebirth of a new legacy fail "I love you" is empty it is meaningless when we're abandoned to watch our family your family and our //clanmates// fall to hunger "I love you" is false promises of a fair-weather friend when we're left to be rescued by a foreign clan that had no obligation to save us "I love you" is a lie when you never come for us and comfort us and tell us that we'll find a way to go on when you never hold us and make us feel safe and wanted even after watching the world come down before our eyes "I love you" never meant anything when it was a clan that we barely knew of that saved us in the midst of a tragedy instead of you I told fablekit that "she must have left for a reason" that "mama will come back for us" after all you were always right.. weren't you? in my kit-eyes, blinded by the pretty little things you would tell us of the stories and tales I believed it after all, delphine had chosen you to guide mossclan in her stead for a reason right? I was wrong delphine was wrong but I was always wrong when it came to you because I let myself love you and trust that you would always come for us I let myself trust those empty promises promises you never should have made to a kit with stars in her eyes and dreams on her doorstep to a kit that believed every tale you told and every story you wove to a kit that trusted in those empty palaces of paragraphs you hurt me. you hurt my brothers. you hurt us all when you left us like that and never came for us you left us for dead and i guess you were right why go and waste the effort? since we all were killed only two moons later as little kits that could never defend themselves that were alone and lost and empty and lonely we died to those monsters that, in part led to your clan's death, too when you should have saved us then, too your "I love you"s disgust me when I know now that you'll never act on it that you'll never actually care for your blood-kin and family I find myself wondering after who else you'll feed those lies after all, you can kill with kindness you've proven that right i pity whoever you take under your wing because they'll believe those empty words just like I did just like my brothers did but still i find myself jealous of them because I still wish that my mother the cat who nurtured me as a kit and comforted me during thunderstorms truly loved me because I still wish that you had been there and saved my brothers and I way back when even knowing those words you speak are falsehoods paraded as promises that they're more promises that you should have never made even knowing that you never enforce them I wish for them and I long for them because even in my disgust even in my betrayal and agony and grief a daughter can't help but wish that her mother truly loved her and can't help but long for those days when she was lost in the bliss of never knowing the lies behind those promises that you should have never made. I wish I could stop loving you, mother I wish I could stop longing for your love. but I love you. just your daughter should because it’s something that I’ve found is impossible for me to end even if you never protected us or came for us even if you never reinforced those beautiful lies with action even if you abandoned us to the wolves and famine even if you made a million mistakes I love you still. - - -