‘ painting of a melancholy warrior ‘ a seerpaw srp loading… … … … oh. … … … … right. … … okay. … seerpaw paused, hearing her name ring out over the crowd. she was supposed to be happy she was supposed to be excited she was supposed to be like everyone else … … … all around her new apprentices smiled, laughed, ran up to their mentors excitedly, ready to start their training ha. ha ha. how stupid was she? thinking maybe she didn’t have to be a warrior thinking maybe she had a chance a shot thinking maybe she she could be a medic ha. ha ha. was she that annoying? did she not show enough confidence? maybe she didn’t talk to wolfsbanewhisper enough. … ha. ha ha. … tears glinted in her eyes, but she smiled, smiled through the pain and oh starclan the /pain/ it wasn’t physical no she felt morally demolished and the same thought kept running through her head. “you weren’t good enough to be a medic.” she wasn’t good enough to have the life of her dreams she wasn’t good enough wasn’t good enough wasn’t good enough wasn’t good enough wasn’t good enough. … ha. ha ha. ha ha ha. ha ha ha ha. HA HA HA. it felt like. like someone was laughing at her like everyone was watching her like they knew she failed … she sat there. smiling staring blankly up at the leader she hadn’t said anything hadn’t nodded like she couldn’t accept it … a tear rolled down her cheek starclan how ungrateful was she? but starclan wasn’t answering her pleas maybe she didn’t even need them anymore … she had to get out of here. she couldn’t handle it so she left she walked out of her own ceremony pushing past cats gathered in the audience past cats giving her strange looks as she made for the camp exit she was officially an apprentice nothing was stopping her from leaving camp now /officially an apprentice/ the words felt like a joke … she walked and walked and walked maybe she had crossed the border maybe she hadn’t she had no clue where she was … a sob teared from her throat … a tear rolled down her cheek … her knees buckled … and she stopped holding herself together. . . . . . . . . . what had she done wrong? WHAT HAD SHE DONE WRONG? she wanted to yell wanted to scream wanted to wanted to she needed to do something she needed to paint she stood in a rush her fur matted her eyes bloodshot and red she grabbed flowers vibrant red ones sparkling blue ones purple ones she had never seen before she grabbed a rock and she smashed them smashed them like she was taking all her anger out like all her emotion was being put into this rock she had paint all over her paws she walked to the nearest rock she must’ve been still in Urchinclan territory then it was tall she placed a paw down making a paw print and began to paint … … … it may have been an hour maybe two she stood there panting out of breath and before her it was a mural it was Urchinclan it was the sand and the ocean and the sunrise it was a little tide pool it was the medics den it was the flower garden where she had helped craftypaw it was the shelves of herbs she had cleaned out with wolfsbane it was large and colorful and it was her life and it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen she smiled then her smile dropped then she cried again so she collapsed so she hid her head in her paws and cried and cried and cried and cried cried cried cried cried cried cried cried cried cried cried cried and seer didn’t return to Urchinclan that night
