Okay, so honestly I don't know what happened. I'm still numb. I'm so tired of all of this. I still feel... something. I'm hesitant to call it gender dysphoria or anything, because maybe it's I just genuinely hate myself. I try questioning my gender, and coming out in any meaningful way, and I end up hurting. I don't want to hurt. It makes so much make sense about myself when I compare my experiences to symptoms of dysphoria. My hatred and disconnect from my voice, my hesitance around being tall, my interest in being a girl, and my more recent panic attacks. But then there's also the side of me that says I made that up to fit somewhere I don't. I don't know how that's possible, because everyone and everything says that doesn't happen. But maybe it's right. I don't think I can do this anymore. I'm tired of fighting myself about this. So I guess I give up. Or not so much give up, but maybe stop thinking about it. That's the one thing that's helped.
So I think I might just generally be depressed, and what I've felt all this time is some mixture of dysphoria, depression, anxiety, and some other nasty stuff, and that's why I feel so bad no matter what I do.
