Back to hoping. Thinking I’ll be better than I am. Back to the mask. The smile that radiates lies. The effort. The weight. All back. The darkness. The shaking. Everything. The over thinking. Everything. I built so many walls within.. for what? They can’t protect me anyways. Lovesick. Heartbroken. Broken in general. Staring to the horizon searching for one reason. Just one. Because I haven’t found even one. But some friends. Im already consumed by this void.. I am it. Void. The same name I always claimed has finally trapped me. In the cage of this darkness. No matter how you strain, you try. You can’t even bend the bars. You strain, you give your all. And slowly give up in the cage. Let the burden sink in. Let it become you. You were always the burden anyways. I was always the burden. A weight. Stumbling around this world with these words. Words. Like those ever did anything. To stop people from leaving. To repair past mistakes. To repair anything. To keep anyone happy. Just.. pain at this point. Every single word I type is mental agony. I draw that out only to… do what? Make people happy? Get this weight off my shoulder? So stupid. Never was smart. I tried so hard. And collapsed into myself when I failed. Same old story. Same old cycle. Wish I could break it. ‘Wish’. I have wished so much. For anyone to even have some feeling towards me. Foolish. I should just be.. Void. Accept finally.. that I’ll have no one. Be no one. A speck.
