the day the birds stopped singing

Instructions

her whole life was a lie at least according to licoricefire. or according to the thoughts she had. to her, she had raised those in mossclan, acted as if she was a mother, showed them kindness. to him, she had killed those in mossclan. acted as if she was a murderer. showed them nothing. their talk echoed through her mind. every morning. every afternoon. every night. she couldn't lose him. she couldn't lose her kits. she wouldn't. so she would stay away from mossclan. stay away from... /his/ kits. the flowers of mossclan would not see her face anymore. her paws would not touch the soil. her heart would not beat for the clan she once loved. because if a heart doesn't beat, how can it break? she will disappear. erase herself from the history of the clan. may future generations wonder what had happened to the former mossclan leader. the day the birds stopped singing. no more stepping foot near mossclan, no more smiling over the life that had been created there. was she going insane? perhaps. was there no point to it? perhaps. but she couldn't lose her kits. she couldn't. please. she was a mother first, then a leader. that's what she had promised herself the day she became leader. so now she had to do what had to be done. be a mother. maybe her last moons on the earth would be lonely, maybe tears will never leave her face. but it will be worth it, right? oh please let it be worth it. licoricefire just let me know, just tell me if I can see my kits again, without you hating me. I still love you. I never stopped. I am not one to argue, I am not one to argue with ones I love. that is why I didn't put up a fight when you told me to reflect. that's what I'm DOING can't you see? ... I can't see. I've gone almost blind, almost deaf. I have nothing to do but sit and wait. wait until death comes to claim me. so I will wait. I will reflect. I will cast away anyone who comes near me. because I'm just an old, senile cat, right? who's days are counted by the fates who want her gone. no one will think it's strange. they'll say 'she's just getting old' 'poor maplestar' 'it's so sad, remember how she used to be?'. fine. have it your way. I won't speak, I won't say a word, lest I poison the ground that cats walk on. a vigil, right? you should know about those. we served ours together, watching the sunrise come up. well... this time it won't end when I become a warrior. it'll be when I become a mother. so who knows. it might last hundreds of moons. but I used to be a leader, I know all about rules don't I? if there's anything I want you to know, just know I did it all in love. because I am /so/ full of it, and you make it seem as if it is useless. that it never was a thing. as if I did not birth our children and raise them. maybe I was a bad parent but you couldn't say you were a good parent either. ... I'm sorry. that was rude... I'm sorry. I don't know if I said it to you. or said it enough but I am. I believe I have one more wish left, right? before all of them are used up? so I suppose I wish for love, more than I have right now. because it seems as if I don't have any.