*TW: this is a rant, and it covers a lot of stuff about gender dysphoria! if this triggers you, do not continue* okay, so the new school year has started and crap, the dysphoria has been bad this month :'| my parents both kinda know I'm nonbinary, but like, they still refer to me as a girl. I am transmasculine. I use they\he pronouns I feel dysphoria around my body. I want affirmation, but I just, I cant ask my parents, especially my mom. she'll just ask questions I cant answer. once she asked me if I wear sports bras cuz I don't want a large chest and I was stupid and said i wear them because they are comfy. i just couldnt tell her. the way she asked, it was like she was gonna cry or something, and my aunt was visiting at the time and was right there, and my brother was in the room too, and I just couldn't. or when she noticed my enby pin and when I basically "came out" I explained I don't feel like a girl or a guy(I didn't mention the transmasc part) she was like "what does feeling like a girl or guy mean?" and I just don't know how to explain it. and when I "came out" to either of my parents they were both like "and your a hormonal teen so its probably just that" not in a homophobic way but like, insensitive much?? I'm sorry I'm not older???? I don't know if its a faze or not, but I just, I don't like my body, and not even in the normal way I have mentioned. I'm a kid, my chest isn't that big, my hips aren't that big, but they are big enough I don't look like a guy, and big enough that it upsets me so much. I have ended up putting on a sports bra and sleeping in it because I put it on under my pajamas and forgot to take it off before falling asleep, because I couldn't stand my chest without it. even with the sports bra I'm always checking to make sure I look flat, even if I know I probably still look like a middle school girl. and my voice. my voice is higher than most of my friends. I hate my voice, even before realizing I was trans. I sound stupid. my voice is nasally and high and I talk all weird and I don't know why. I know nobody even takes me seriously, probably not even my own parents. I don't really know how to finish this but honestly, imagining in the future I used to not want to ever go on T cuz of the facial hair and stuff, but honestly, the deeper voice and fat redistribution(no more hips!) would be so awesome you can also always assume I vent more inside the project.
please don't vent in the comments :>
