eeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuughghghhhhhhhhh. i don't even know why i'm still here on this account it's basically dead but like i don't know how to explain it but is it normal if you just sometimes feel like you want to oof? like i know it isn't yeah i just feel like i can't tell anyone anything at school or like sometimes even my bsf like none of the people i know knows that nevermind but i want to tell them but either a. they don't listen b. they probably would but i don't want to like be weird or ruin anything (erm i was like writing this but my screen went dark and then i got teleported to clever) also it kind of just hurts when you know that your friends can't support you fully and they don't even know but i did it again last night and it hurts more because i try to cover it ... i kind of want to like (cough) because i don't want to remember anything anymore how do i know if i'm pan or not? sometimes i feel pan but sometimes i don't and i guess i could be pan freely because it describes liking any gender but i don't know people i know irl sometimes see my account and what if they tell other people? i know i shouldn't be here. but still. like two people are going to see this anyways sometimes my hands start trembling and i don't really know how to explain it but it kind of just hurts and my fingers curl up and i just stare at nothing and my vision gets a little blurry but then it goes away also when i wake up and stand i get really dizzy and it depends on the day but sometimes i almost fall if only i could forget sometimes drawing helps and sometimes humming does too or talking to my bsf she can almost always make me laugh even when she doesn't know that basically saved my sanity for the moment.
