Tw ig I hate my birthday. The day is horrible for me as, where I live, it’s been two years now that it is the first day of school. While yes, that sucks, I also can’t recall any happy memories of my birthday that wasn’t when I was little. I hate being the centre of attention but my family refuses to believe that I can’t just ‘pull it together for one day.’ They genuinely ignore my mental state just because they want to go to a bloody restaurant. My birthday has become more about physical things rather than me being happy. To be quite honest, to me, my birthday is simply a reminder that I wasted another year of my life. The only reason I’d want to celebrate it is if I could do some party. The problem is parties require people to show up and I don’t have friends, so yeah. I used to have a group of a few but now all I have is my boyfriend. I’ve tried to make real friends but none of them care if I’m not starting the conversations or interactions in general. It’s really taken a toll on my mental health. It feels like I’m not worth the effort anymore. Like making friends was super easy in fourth and fifth grade, but after my mental decline and such, I have to put so much more effort into holding conversations and remembering things about people. I’m sick of not being worth talking to. All of my friends are online at this point and my mum has been talking trash about all of them and saying I can’t survive on online friendships. I’m aware I need irl friends to maintain a good mental state, but as I’ve said, I can’t make friends. I’ve tried for more than four years to make friends and I just can’t anymore. I don’t have the mental energy to do this.
