The Ritual Of Suffering

Instructions

Hate. Hate is the word that I would use to describe our relationship. But I miss her, I really do. I miss Hanin. The sight of her body still haunts me to this day. The details, the smell, all of it. I wish she had listened to me. I wish she was alive. But everything happens for a reason, doesn’t it, Hanin? Je t’aime, sweetheart. I hope you are still watching me, even if it’s painful. I will love you forever, always. -Samael. I love her, I love her so much. Why wouldn’t I love her? I think of her every day. Hanin, please love me. I miss her, always. It pains me to think of what happened to her. I never knew such thing would happen; I never did a thing to her. But everything happens for a reason, doesn’t it, Hanin? September 23rd. That was the day I met her. The day I asked her what her name was. The day I asked her if she wanted to be my FRIEND. FRIENDs are sweet, aren't they? FRIENDs help each other out, right? I asked her, and she said no. She said no four times. And then she said yes. We were FRIENDs. We were good FRIENDs. But everything happens for a reason, doesn’t it, Hanin? September 24th. The day we first hung out. It was fun, wasn't it, Hanin? We went outside. Outside to the park. FRIENDs go to the park together. FRIENDs do nice things. I can't believe we actually were FRIENDs. But everything happens for a reason, doesn’t it, Hanin? October 5th. Our first argument. Me and Hanin's first argument Me? Samael? In an argument? Obviously, I was in the right here. Obviously, I was the victim. She blamed me for something I did. But it wasn't my fault. I had to. I apologized to her anyways. Because I did not want her to leave me. Because she was my only FRIEND. But everything happens for a reason, doesn’t it, Hanin? It's been that many days. And we aren't friends anymore. 340 days ago, I met Hanin. 340 days ago, I met the love of my life. I loved her. I never got the chance to tell her. But it was obvious. She died before I could tell her. And it was my fault. But everything happens for a reason, doesn’t it, Hanin? December. I don't remember the day. I couldn't have remembered. It was the day I did something awful. Something I don't want to admit. Something I can't say. Because I am too good of a person to do such things. It happened to Hanin. I caused that to happen to Hanin. And that is why she is gone. Forever. And ever. Until the day that the world ends. Until the day where everyone is gone. But everything happens for a reason, doesn’t it, Hanin? She told me to stop. She said "don't do it". But I did not listen. Hanin, everything happened to you. And there was not a reason. I did it for my own enjoyment. And then she was gone from our lives forever and ever. Never to be seen again. But sometimes things don't need a reason to happen. She went through the ritual of suffering. For her own sake. But everything happens for a reason, doesn’t it, Hanin?