(IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY-normal warnings...T0T) Chapter 26: June Things that frustrate me: ~Group projects ~Loud insistent noises ~Not knowing ~...being ghosted Sunday, November 5th, 6:28pm Clink. Clink. There is nothing more awkward than eating in silence. Normally I would have a book or some essay I was finishing to distract myself from the thunderous quiet. Instead I'm sitting here, silently, waiting for the perfect moment. Beck's on his phone, doing something or other with his earbuds in. I set down my fork and clench my hands so as not to fiddle with them. "Hey-um-Mom, Dad?" My mother glances up, my father just raises his eyebrows. I'm not sure if that's from me or the paper he's so invested in. Beck looks up, noticing the unusual tension in the room and lowers his phone, popping out his earbuds. "What's up, sis?" "I need to ask something." I say, ignoring Beck. "There's this um, party? Like...school party? In a few weeks and I was just wondering if maybe I could...go?" There's quiet for a moment and I panic, talking fast. "I can get a ride of course. And buy my own dress, I have the money and stuff. But if not, it's fine. Totally fine, I'll just-" "Are you talking about homecoming?" Beck interrupts. "It was supposed to be in October, I thought." "The school pushed it back because of football or something." I say, flippantly, not taking my eyes off my parents. Beck, however, is insistent. "June, everyone's invited to that. Why are you asking like you need a special permit?" "Shut up, please, Beck." I snap. "Maybe I just actually care about my parent's opinion!" "Shh, quiet kids." Mom mutters, flipping through a book. "Your father's in the middle of something." "He's ALWAYS in the middle of something." Beck crosses his arms and leans back in his chair. "You both are. Which is why it's fine if June goes to homecoming, isn't it? You wouldn't even notice she was gone." My mouth fell open. Tears burned the back of my eyes but I wouldn't cry. Not here. Not now. Because that's what I did. I kept my chin up and my eyes down. I didn't make a scene. If people looked over me I made myself smaller. If they wanted to change me for them I would make their job easy. But that didn't mean that didn't hurt. Oh, how it hurt. "Really, Beckett? Am I that easy to forget?" Beck goes pale. "June, I didn't mean it like that-" "I don't forget you. I pack you snacks for your tournaments and I run your laundry because you forget and I have watched you preform since you were twelve and an Oompa Loompa in Charlie and the Chocolate factory Jr." My voice is rising but I can't help it. Beck shakes his head. "June, listen. I just meant-" "Whatever." I mumble, standing up and grabbing my plate. "Whatever." I pace to the dishwasher and put it in, and then I go to my room. I hear terse arguing from downstairs and I pull my covers over my head and put a pillow over my ears. I scroll through my texts with Kai Brooks. June: Why? What's up? June:...Hello? June: If you don't answer I'm going to assume you're d34d or smth June:... June: Did I do smth?? I hate how vulnerable the last text makes me feel, looking back. I don't want to care what Kai does. I especially don't want to care that he's ignoring me. Ding. A notification pops up and I click into a text thread. Penten: So...what's the verdict? June: Funny story, I didn't get one Penten: Huh? Why? What happened? June: I got into a fight with my brother instead (= Penten: Dangggggg. That s^cks. You okay? June: Fine. Penten: Wanna call? I blink. Swipe at my eyes. Consider the fact that my voice is thick with tears. June: Maybe later. I'm going to get some sleep Penten: *thumbs up* I frown when my phone lights up with a call. It's not from Penten though, but from an unknown number. I let it ring and then check the voicemail. "Hey, um, June? It's Wyatt Carter. You don't-uh-know me very well or anything but I was kinda hoping to talk to you? It's about, um, Kai? I hate making voicemails if you hadn't noticed, I don't know what to say." He laughs, and it's a nice one. Friendly and a little funny sounding. Slightly self-deprecating. "But yeah, if you're not opposed to it, maybe I can talk to you at lunch tomorrow? Welp, uh, guess this is...goodbye, then? Dang I sound like such a moron. Anywho, see you-" I scrunch my eyebrows, wondering what on earth Wyatt could have to say to me about Kai. Maybe I'll just have to find out... Chapter 27: Kai The worst texts to receive: ~'I think we should break up' ~'Your teacher called' ~'Your grades are in' ~'I found a beautiful little place in Georgia for us!' Sunday, November 5th, 6:38pm I stare at my phone, stomach dropping to my shoes. Mom texted me this about ten minutes ago, and yet I'm still here, eyes wide, breathing tight, looking at a picture of a quaint little building in a town that's definitely not mine. No, no, no, no, no. I had done an okay job of coping with the whole 'move' thing so far. I mean, ignoring it, that is. But now...?
Being able to flip through pictures of rooms and bird's eye views? Suddenly, it was horribly, utterly, REAL. And I had no idea what to think about that. So I dealt with it the way I deal with most problems. Procrastination. Yet another text left on read. It was becoming my new trend. I just didn't know what to say anymore. Maybe one day I would wake up and Mom would spring in yelling 'just kidding!', we'd stay here happily and I would finally understand my feelings for June Avens. Oh yeah, and I'd get a dragon for a pet, the cotton candy clouds would rain slushies and I would know the exact meaning of an exponent. Yeah, right. I set my phone on my bedside table and take the stairs two at a time. There's takeout on the table and a note from Dad. 'Got food. Out. Back soon.' I grab a sandwich, stick it in the microwave, and try not to feel forgotten. I'm not. I'm not. Dad's just coping in his own way with the fact that not only did he lose Mom, now he's losing me. Mom's just busy working and getting ready for a life-altering event and I'm- Just not the priority. That's the problem. She says she doing this for me. That it'll be better when we get some space from Dad, some time just us two. But if she's doing it for me, why didn't she ask me first? I dunno, something like, 'hey Kai, how do you feel about moving across the country, leaving all your friends and the dad who sometimes feels like more of a responsibility that someone responsible?' I love him. I really do. He's sweet and kind and silly and has been there for me through so much. But I don't exactly see him as someone...strong. If I have a serious problem, I'm not going to go to him with it. He has enough of his own, pining for a love he lost and constantly on the lookout for a steady job. Not sure I'd go to Mom either. She tends to treat problems like equations, always looking for the quickest and best solution. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just a problem to her. The son she feels responsible for but is tying her down. I don't want to tie her down. I don't want to leave. I wish I could tell her. I wish I would just talk to her about it. Just say the words. I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave. I don't, I don't, I don't- The microwave dings and I take out my food, sprawling out on the couch and grabbing the tv remote. I put on a movie. Toy Story. Something silly, a little stupid, but familiar. Finally something that doesn't feel complicated. But my mind's not really there. I can't stop thinking about the way I've treated Wyatt, barely talking to him and putting so much distance between us, when I should be leaning into him in a hard time like this. I think about June and how much I wish I could tell her that I'm moving. How much she means to me. What I wish I could be to her. But mostly, even as Buzz and Woody are throwing insults back and forth, two things are running through my mind. I don't want to leave. And quieter, soft, a plea to Mom and Dad, or Wyatt, or June or...maybe even myself. Please don't forget me. (This took forever and idk why. hopefully y'all are still interested, I'm so sorry for the wait!! Comment to be pinged as always I love feedback and comments and all that jazz. love y'all!! ~Huff)
