but its not to blaze a fanfare. i just need to write things down right now because i don't think i could talk to anybody irl. i had a crush recently, we would talk and hang out, but today i think i got too annoying? needy? i don't know what i did but, i got one of the looks ive seen to many times, the "go away." look. im not going to try to push, in not going to even try to interact, i went to far, this is my punishment. something else that came to my attention, people have been talking behind my back, about what i say, how i dress, the things i do or the people i hang out with. i don't want to hang out with people that make me a target to others. why should i have to step in and stop every little issue the friend group has. simply because the people that kept peace left, yeah. exactly. im so tired of the constant fighting, why can't we just hang out, it could even be my fault for trying in the first place, like i said earlier, i always try to hard and punished. i should just let them implode onto each other, and leave each other in the rot.
the person i had a crush on was also my only real failsafe, i felt like i could talk to them. i know no one cares, the 2 people that see this wont care, they probably wont even read it. i but im done. i don't care anymore, about them, about myself, about anyone. ive lost every failsafe i made. my friends don't care and think im attention seeking, the theater kids avoid me after what happened with my old girlfriend, and havent interacted with me since. my parents ], i couldnt talk to them, they would low it way out of proportion, therapist, doctor, pills. i dont want to get better, cause then its over, back into the spill. i know no ones going to see this, if you do i know you just scrolled through and thought "just stop trying, no ones giving you pity"
