Man, something that happened yesterday just made me even MORE certain that I'm aro/ace. This is because I was at a thing where we were painting nails and I didn't want to do it because since I wear socks 95% of the time (the last 5% is when I'm SLEEPING) so it would've been a waste to do it on my toes and then if they were on my fingers, the nail polish would be gone in less than a week. And I kept saying this and then eventually, someone me and my family know said 'Her boyfriend prefers the natural look'. I obviously denied it but my dad and this person my family knows kept saying 'Maybe one day'. (They don't know that I'm aro/ace.) But instead of being embarrassed like someone who can feel romantic attraction to someone, I GENUINELY felt EXTREMELY uncomfortable in the conversation. So it just further proved to myself that I'm aro/ace. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now for the second part of my "rant". So basically, I've never done great in school. There's always at least one class I get a low grade in. My family keeps telling me that I'm smart and I sort of believe it, but I also don't because very likely due to my undiagnosed AuDHD, I have a LOT of trouble paying attention in class since I can get bored very easily so I draw to keep myself entertained, which makes me focus more on the drawing than the class. And next Tuesday is my first day of school so my mom is trying to help me figure out a way where I can do better in my classes than I have done in the past. But of course, I lack the self-confidence that I need in order to believe in myself to do good. Which, with all of this, is making me start to realize why Producer is my favorite personality in the SMG4 Splits AU. Producer is SMG4's anxiety, insecurity, and perfectionism. I struggle with anxiety sometimes and I can get very insecure as well. I'm not a perfectionist but with this stress of school is really making me feel like I have to be one. I'm literally close to crying at this point so I might have to stop there so thank you to whoever read all of this, I appreciate it. Now I'm going to go play some Okami to calm myself down.
