“I will be okay.” ~❅~ An Admiralskies SRP

Instructions

TW: Memory attack, grief, trauma -❅- Everything was going to plan. Everycat was happy. Everycat’s belly was full. The newly named Admiralskies was joking with everycat, grinning. Until a wave of sickness hit him in the face. Ice shook it off. Rose to his paws and trotted over to the warriors’ den, yowling he'll be right back to anyone listening. The den was empty. Adm had craved a private place for iceself, but right now, it felt bland. Lonely. Ice dropped the mask the second he stepped in. He sagged against the wall, puffing out a breath, resting ices head back against the rough mossy walls. He should be happy. He was a warrior now, after all. But it felt… weird. Feeling safe. Having a full stomach. Ice was greatful. Really, ice was. Only, just to remind himself, he said it out loud. “I’m greatful.” He whispered. He was greatful for the safety. He was greatful for the food. He was greatful for the roof over his head. “I’m greatful.” It still felt weird, though. Not the full stomach part. The full stomach feeling weird part. His heart ached. For once in ices life, he wished he could speak to his mom. He staggered at the thought, hitting the floor. Ice had buried all those memories. They weren’t supposed to resurface. They weren't /ever/ supposed to resurface. But then, With a wave of memory so strong he had to physically gasp for breath, Ice remembered. He saw iceself. Or, no, he saw from ices eyes. He remembered the car drive from another country to this one. He remembered his parents. He remembered how his mother would curl around him when they were scared. He remembered how she’d tuck him close whenever Dad was away. Ice remembered his father, how they would tumble around the clearing together, laughing their own ears off. He remembered the rouges. The brutes who had begun picking on them the second they had moved in that new stretch of territory. Ice remembered how they had just shrugged it off- until Dad decided to fight back. He remembered the bl00d. The screams. Mom, rushing to help. Ice not being able to do anything as he watched his parent’s bodies hit the floor. Their bl00ds soak the dirt. He remembered running. Remembered the rouges' claws catching in his fur until they decided he wasn’t worth it. Ice spun around, breathing hard, racking his claws down his flank, parting the fur. Looking for something. When he saw it, his jaw went slack. A thin, pink scar, running down ices flank. It was so old, old enough that fur had grown back. Adm let out a strangled sob. He saw iceself again, hiding beneath a crate. Ice remembered the cold, the pain, the fear. Ice remembered those wise, kind brown eyes, that tabby brown fur. He remembered how Castle had given him a home. A home at Point. A group of loners and former kittypets, all gathered together in an underground cave they had found. Ice remembered his friends- the pale Winston with dark marking around his eyes and an abnormally long tail, albino Brendan with eyes the lightest shade of blue. Ice remembered Lily, Ian, Sarah and Sonya, the group's healers. He remembered how he had screamed and swore the first weeks. How, because of distrust, ice had ransacked Castle's personal belongings. Ice had found a scarp of fur. A small bow. He remembered it when Castle told ice about his own kits. It was the first time ice had seen him cry. He remembered taking in small critters and hiding them at Point until Castle gently, but firmly, told ice he had to stop. He remembered how Castle had strictly forbid his use of the 'fox-word'. He remembered that day. When he had become one moon old. He remembered the grey cat with a braid on one shoulder and blue eyes. He remembered how ice had clung to castle, his small chest heaving as he fought back tears. “Castle, please!” Ice had screamed. Ice had begged. Ice had glared at the other two kittens, Moth and Scorpionfly. He remembered Castle's glassy brown eyes. He remembered when he crouched in front of him, whispering that everything, everthing would be okay. “We'll see eachother again, son.” He had said. “Never forget who you are, Adm.” Adm. So that's where he got that nickname. “He's Admiralkit now.” Delphine's professional voice had cut in. He remembered when her tail had swooped around ice, dragging ice closer to it. He remembered shaking so hard he could barely stand. He remembered hiccuping, his eyes feeling like they were melting out of his head when he stared at Point over his shoulder until it became as small as a flea. Adm got up so fast his head bashed against the wall. Ice groaned, digging the heels of his paws into his eyes. They were wet. Why were they wet? Ice stiffened when the voices of cats moving to the warrior's den reached him, “Hey, Admiral. You okay?” Who said that? Probably one of his friends. Admiral grinned. Turned his head toward the sound though ice couldn't see anything with the spots dancing behind his vision. He said ice was fine. Ice was fine. He would be fine. -❅-