Warning, it mentions d3ath Btw click the flag it changes Time feels slow tonight. It is two hours past bedtime. Was it not seven hours? No, it was clearly not. I do not know how I spent this much time just thinking and writing and searching. Searching for ways to say things. My parents are on board with me getting rid of Paisley. I am grateful. Paisley does not deserve my friendship anymore. I step carefully for now, lying in wait like a hunter with a ready trap. Things I should not say, things I never want to say nor think, burn in my mind and whisper to me their words. They tell me that Paisley shouldn’t exist. Ask me if I would be sad if they… I don’t want to finish that thought. The thing that scares me the most is, I don’t know if I would. Would I care? I think I’m becoming a monster. But is it better to be a monster, someone who does not care about others’ pa!n, or to be an angel who does not care for my own? A monster would know the answer to that question, that it is always better to be a monster. That people don’t always deserve your care and you need to know when they do and when they don’t. A monster would say that the only way to be true to yourself is to put yourself above others. That the only way to live freely is to be the reason you’re free. You can’t trust others to help you. An angel would know the answer, too. That it is always better to be an angel. That others deserve your care more than you deserve it yourself, and there is no one who doesn’t. An angel would say that a long as you know who you are, you just need to help others in order to be true. That you should help others be free before becoming free yourself. You can trust others to help you. I am not sure which I agree with. People don’t always deserve your care, and knowing when they do or don’t is important. To be true to yourself, you need to help others and help yourself too. The only way to be free is to be the reason you are, but others can help you become free. You can always trust others until they do wrong. So would I be an angel or a monster? The scariest thing is not knowing which I am.
Picture from google, art from me Constructive criticism blah blah bla you know the drill Maybe there’s a way to be both or neither. And yet, I only know of the two categories.
