if u dont like vents, dont read this. also this is really long my mental health is getting worse again i dont even know why i didnt do anything they didnt do anything its better now but for some reason im worse just thinking about everything they did makes me feel sick how they just act like it never happened i have no one to speak to anymore they were gone i do not know why they have returned it was fine what did i do what things were getting better everyone is saying oh, your parents are so great!! sure sure they are kind of comforting, though but i do not know i shouldnt feel this way why why did they choose to believe my lies why did i lie they knew they knew everything they read it they saw the photos so why why did they believe i was happy that they believed that was the point if they didnt things now would have been so much better if they just stopped pretending. i hate the way she ignores what he did it was just a game he says sure sure i didnt cry i didnt scar because of you you had no idea how scared i was how horrifying you became. why why do you change cover things up as jokes ohhhh i didnt mean to ohhhhhhh im so sorry i thought you like playing rough . how? is it not clear how much how much i hate you. yet i cant hate you i hate things why why cant you just stay the same your so nice yet why why did you do all of it he didnt deserve it maybe i do not him not them the voices they are worsening my hands are shaking as i type i told you you brushed it off why why? they were gone not anymore i hate it i love it i do not know. no one believes they ask me why do you hate us so much oh that? that was an accident oh that?? that was a long time ago i know your going through your i hate parents phase... they say sure sure sure sure believe that theres nothing i can say to make you realize how much suffering you caused me you could have made it better no no no instead, its your friends their manipulating you heh heh haahhahhahhaah they ripped them away from me i see why but i still hate it why why? its so irrational i have no personality anymore there is no me i become what is most convenient i copy there was never me just copycopy copy. copy copy become them fit in act like them all learn to blend in talk to people they say its not that easy because of all of it i hate it all my friend makes one small movement or sound and i flinch im so scared of everything now but also . . . . i do not know my memory blocks out things people say that i say things i never say say... i am lonely but i hate being with people now i am angry but i cant be anymore its all so stupid i am so lonely i do not know what to do anymore im stuck here there is nothing to do anymore you just believe what he says you wouldnt care if i told you. and he would just say oh it was an accident oh i didnt mean to oh it was just a game . . . my life can not progress like this my life is static things will not change. there is no point there is a knife in my room i am n i am safe here other people have it worse i am simply overreacting crybaby crybaby so weak cant even handle living haha hahahah
