Alright...so yesterday was not a good day for me mentally, I was thinking abt kill!ng myself and it got to the point where I even picked up the big kitchen (k)nif3 and was abt to stabby stabby myself or cutty cutty my wrists ..but I hesitated..I thought abt how everyone else would react, especially with my family being in the other room, I dont think anyone would care but then again..what if that's not true..? Ppl say they love me, but its up to me to choose to believe them..I got trust issues tho, A LOT of trust issues and i don't think anyone is supposed to love me ("Cuz ur not supposed to love me"~). But seriously, I hate myself and my life, I dont want to live but I don't want to d!e..I'm too tired to live and too scared to d!e is what I mean ig..
I'm not used to this venting thing, my whole life I've just kept it all to myself not wanting to bother ppl with ranting abt my problems as if they don't have their own. And after so much time, it gets a lil tiring of always being there for someone else, but having no one there for YOU..I'm so sry that I have to feel this way but its true. The person who saved my life yesterday was literally ..a stranger...they know I hate myself and my life, so they said "You don't have to love it now, but hold on to it"..And that random person saying that meant so much to me I can't even put into words..I haven't told my family how I feel (and I probably never will, but only time can tell), but I did tell one of my closest friends yesterday too and it made me feel better, she actually listened, and was reassuring me that I was loved and that she doesn't know what she'd do without me, she even cried bcs she didn't know I ever felt that way TvT I didn't tell my bf abt my not wanting to live yet, but we were on the subject of therapists and learning not to keep our feelings bottled up..its amazing how much talking to someone can help, so..ty to whoever actually read this vent..I rly appreciate it. I can't promise that I won't try to harm myself or anything in the future, but I'm trying to get better..I promise I'm trying. Well, that's the end of this vent, have a wonderful day and cherish ur life and everyone u love even when it gets hard sometimes ❤
