that’s just the way life goes, I like to slam doors closed, trust me, I know it's always about me, I love you, i’m sorry ……. </3 I know I already posted a leaving project, but with that one I wasn’t sure of my decision yet. now I am, and I don’t want to delay it anymore, because it isn’t right for to stay on this website. I always post a leaving project and then come back, but this time it really is different. Oh my gosh. It took three years to realize I shouldn’t stay on here, and those three years were just so incredible but so crazy at the same time. I loved every single memory I made on here, every single person. But it comes with its consequences. Leaving will cost me every person I know on here, it costs me my entire online life. But I think I’m ready for that. I’m moving into a new step in my life, one where school is so important right now. I want to focus on my studies without being distracted by scratch. Everytime I try to study, I find myself going on scratch for ‘five minutes’ but then it’s way longer than that. I know it’s the summer and school is over, but school starts in about a month and I take that seriously. I’m going to this big, new school this year and I’m so excited for this new chapter, my old school was just horrible. But I’m nervous, because I know this new school will be more demanding to make sure I work my hardest, and I can’t have scratch distracting me. Letting go of this website will be so hard, I know that, but if I have to choose between school and scratch then I pick school. Because scratch isn’t gonna help me with anything, it’ll just be another obstacle to overcome. I have enough challenges already, I don’t need another one. This website, with all its pleasures, is addicting. And the pleasures is what makes it addicting. I find myself wasting time on here, doing literally whatever until one of my friends comes online and have a conversation with me. I know I’m not online for the whole day, and probably way less than I used to be, but I still feel like I should cut some time back. I have a real life, real friends to get to, and I can’t keep pushing them out while I spend time with friends I don’t even know in real life. I love every single one of you guys so much, but the one problem is that we’re communicating online. I don’t know who you are, not really. I don’t know what you do. I don’t know how you spend your time irl. I promise I’m not being rude at all, I love every single one of my friends sm but it just feels wrong to feel so close and influenced from online people ….. </3 My parents don’t approve of any of this. They know I’m on scratch, but they think I code, which I don’t. I have a whole list in my mind of what they would do if they find out half the things I do on here. Talking to people I don’t know in real life is one of them, another one is all the shows and movies I watch because people on here recommended them. I love those shows and movies sm but I’m not allowed to watch them because it has stuff my parents would disapprove of (gilmore girls, for example ….. ) but like I can’t restrain myself from watching it. But it isn’t just about that, my parents would hate this website if they knew what I really did on it and I’m not scared of them finding out, I just feel guilty and that’s on me, not on anyone else pressuring me into leaving. I didn’t include this in my other leaving projects, but I am getting older now so I will say it here. Life is very important in my upcoming years. Not just with school, but with me. Right now I’m finding myself and who I am and I don’t need scratch to influence any of those choices. Aside from influencing, I spend too much time on here and I want to cut down on that time. I could be using that time to read a book, or hang out with friends I actually know, but no I waste my time on this stupid website that I can’t let go of. Well, besides that, it’s just me telling myself to go. I’m not Amina, and I don’t want to be Amina anymore. I want to be that darling person I am in real life, not an online person that has no purpose in the world whatsoever. I don’t want to be on here anymore, because I’m sick and tired of this website and all its problems. I don’t want to be emotionally drained and attached to this site, I don’t want to be so affected by what happens to me on here. I don’t remember this website being like this. A lot of people have become rude and inconsiderate. Impersonation has been like a hobby to some people. I have enough of that in real life, I really, really do not need to deal with it on here. I don’t need another thing to ruin my self esteem, I promise you I’m ruined enough, and I have some of this site to thank for that. continued - notes & creds
But I can’t say everything on here was bad. I made so many friends that love and care for me, and that I love and care about them too, because they’ve been nothing but kind to me. If I had to pick what I loved the most about my scratch journey, it would be my friends. My amazing friends who are literally just the sweetest and best people alive. I wouldn’t be who I am today or where I am today without them. They have been with me throughout my scratch journey, and unlike what walk over by freya skye says, they have been with me through thick and thin. Even if we’re not super close, even if we’re not the best of friends, everyone who has talked to me maybe just once, complimented me about something, or just clicked that follow button is so amazing. And you viewing this project is appreciated, whoever you are. I may not know you guys in real life, but it feels like I have, even if in reality I don’t know you. I feel like I have known you guys my whole life, but really it’s just been three years and a month. It really is amazing how everyone in the community welcomes new scratchers, how they treat each other, and I really, truly wish there were more people like you guys in the world out there. I don’t even know what to say anymore, I hope you guys know how much you’re loved by me, and remember you’re gorgeous and amazing and keep being that wonderful you that I know ⭐️ So, yeah, that’s it. My whole scratch journey over in a project. Okay so I can’t be on p2n because apparently my account was disabled by my administrator? Idk but I used my school email for my account so yeah they probably disabled it….. but I can’t use my actual email because it would notify my mom and Im not allowed to be on p2n so I probably can’t kit with anyone ☹️ edit: nvm!! i found an alternative way to sign in <33 pls note that I won’t share it publicly on this project but if anyone asks for it I’ll give it to them I hope you think of me when you see katniss everdeen, lucy gray baird, pippa fitz-amobi, a good girls guide to m**d*r, wednesday addams, enid sinclair, eleven hopper, the hunger games, yellow/gold revamps, the color white, gracie abrams, the secret of us, rory gilmore, lorelai gilmore, gilmore girls, stranger things, horses, district 4/water/swimming, descendants, zombies, mal, nova bright, victor, red the character, chloe, freya skye, daughter from hell, good riddance, outer banks, sarah cameron, kiara carrera, JJ maybank, red the color, kylie cantrall, mckenna grace, & and so much more two summers from now, we’ll have been talking, but not all that often, we're cool now, i’ll be on a boat, you're on a plane, going somewhere, same, and I'll have a drink, wistfully lean out my window and watch the sun set on the lake, I might not feel real, but it's okay, mh the way life goes (you were the best but you were the worst), (as sick as it sounds, I loved you first), I wanna speak in code, (I was a d*** it is what it is), (A habit to kick, the age-old curse), hope that I don't, won't make it about me (I tend to laugh whenever i’m sad), (stare at the crash, it actually works) I love you, i’m sorry …… </3 until next time, amina ❤️ “But my ultimate inspiration comes from my best friend, the dazzling woman whom I received my name and my life’s blood, Lorelai Gilmore. My mother never gave me the idea that I couldn’t do whatever I wanted to do or be whomever I wanted to be. She filled our house with love and fun and books and music, unflagging in her efforts to give me role models from Jane Austen to Eudora Welty to Patti Smith. As she guided me through these incredible eighteen years, I don’t know if she ever realized that the person I most wanted to be was her. Thank you, mom. You are my guidepost for everything.” - Rory Gilmore
