⏾⋆.˚ sleeplessness - the first chapter.

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sleeplessness ch. 01 patient_06 ⏾⋆.˚ When I wake up, there isn’t really any one thing I notice at first. Even with my eyes closed, I can tell the room must be bright; all I can see is a warm reddish glow through my eyelids. I open my eyes. I’m on a mattress. A bed. I don't think it's mine. …I don’t know. I don’t remember. But I.. I doubt it’s mine. It’s like a hospital bed, a psychiatric one. Not one you’d usually see in one’s house. I push myself up with my arms so I’m sitting on the side, pull the thin sheet aside and allow my eyes to rest on the wall in front of me. Everything in this room is white except my own clothes, which are both slightly different shades of grey. ..They don’t seem to fit very well. There’s no windows in here, the only light is coming from the glaring fluorescent lights overhead, so bright white they seem almost light blue. I stand up. A little shaky. I’m dizzy for a moment, then it passes. Despite my limbs feeling heavy from sleep, my mind feels fuzzy as if I haven’t had any at all. Or maybe I just slept so long that I’m just sort of… out of it. I circle the room once. Then again. It’s not like I’m going to see anything new. Nothing that I haven’t noticed already. The room is empty, barren except for a strange white desk built into the wall, an oddly shaped chair, and a thin mattress on the bed in the corner. But maybe… maybe if I walk around again… one more time, two, three, four, five, six… no. I’m so stupid. I’m an idiot. An idiot. An idiot.. Idiot.. Idiot. No… I haven’t processed my situation yet. Where am I? I don’t know. That’s the only thing I DO know. I am sure that I do not know where I am. How did I get here? I’m not sure. The lights overhead are brighter than anything I think I’ve ever seen before and I can hear a faint, electronic hum in the walls, like they’re alive.. on all sides.. ugh. Bad thought. I look up again, as if forgetting the lights were there… stupid, stupid, I’m so stupid. The lights seem to burn themselves into my vision and when I stare at the floor I can’t even see anything. I squeeze my eyes shut tight, which only makes my head hurt worse. I groan. Opening my eyes again, my attention is drawn to the small amount of space under my door.. Yes, there is a door. I said that already, right? I meant to. It has been here the entire time. A gap. Under… underneath the door. There’s probably more than just this room. …Wait. Of course there is, idiot… buildings generally have more than just one room in them.. I’m not thinking straight, my head hurts.. Did I notice that already? Yeah.. huh.. The gap under this door, though, is dark. Meaning the room on the other side doesn’t have a light on. That’s odd, seeing as this one does. (I don’t know why it was on if I was asleep.) I inhale, my hands shaking for some reason as I reach for the handle. It’s a lever handle. I twist and pull it open easily. Oh. It’s just a bathroom. There must be another door, then, to the rest of the building somewhere else in my room. This is still a relief, though. Not like I need it now.. But I don’t know how long I’ll be stuck here, and the sink can provide clean (I hope) drinking water. I look in the mirror. My hair looks slightly messy, unkempt, I can’t remember the last time I brushed it. Or the last time I did anything. Somehow, though, and for some reason, I feel very clean. I don’t smell soap or anything.. I just don’t smell anything except.. Hmm.. antibacterial cleaning products; it smells sterile, like a hospital would. Oh, or antiseptic wipes. …Why antiseptic wipes? I’m getting off track. I blink a few times. I look myself in the mirror again. My pupils are dilated. Do I really look that frightened? And why? I’m not afraid. …Ironically, I’m shivering. I’m thinner than I remember. I remember.. Actually, nevermind, I don’t remember what I used to look like, so I don’t know what (or who) I’m comparing myself to. …I don’t think I should be this thin, though. After turning away from the mirror and walking out of the small room, I pause for a moment and push the door shut slowly, listening for the click when it fully closes. I like that little sound. I open it again and shut it very slowly… click. It’s nice. I like it. I turn around and face the rest of my room. Oh, and there’s another door. I don’t know how I didn’t… catch that. Until now. That’s got to be the way to the rest of the building, isn’t it? Yeah… hmm. …I’ll open it soon.