I spin around, terrified. But I melt in relief. It's Thorne. Thank God, it's only Thorne. I don't know. A part of me thought it'd be Kenny. That little imbecile keeps showing up at the wrong times. But it's Thorne. "Um. So, I, um, yeah." //Wow Ace, great talking.// "Heh. Words. They aren't. Wordsing. Heh. But yeah. I'm...dating...Arch. And I...kissed...Arch." Thorne's face breaks out in a freckly grin. "Dang Ace! I knew you could do it!" They smack me on the back. I double over in pain because Thorne has muscles and I'm a weakling. "Ahem!" Ivy interjects. "I'm glad we're being supportive of Ace, that boy he needs all the support he can get. But can we be impressed about me and Clementine?? Eh?" "Of course! All my zesty besties getting hitched in the same day!" Thorne says cheerfully. "Please never say those words ever again." I grumble. Thorne smacks Ivy on the back, but they don't flinch, cuz they’re strong. Like a man. Oh right… she’s a lesbian demigirl. They’re strong. Like a lesbian demigirl. "Uhhhh. This seems like a good time to mention...that I maybe like someone as well..." Thorne says nervously. I am in total shock, but Ivy doesn't seem surprised. "I don't think either of you know them..." Thorne mumbles. "Isaac, right?" Ivy asks. "Uh yeah, how did you know?" "Stalking." Ivy replies, dead serious. "Oh. Cool." Thorne nods, looking terrified. Then Ivy smacks Thorne on the back, grinning, and despite their muscles, Thorne falls over, because Ivy is easily the strongest person here. "But uh...Isaac's aroace...I think...so I there's not really any hope." Thorne says sadly. “Oh.” We glance around awkwardly. “Well…I thought I had no hope with Arch.” I say, smiling to myself, “and look what happened!” “Yeah, this is different Ace.” Thorne says. “Sorry.” I say, feeling slightly ashamed. Ivy observes our despair and claps her hands together. “Here’s what we’re going to do! I’m practically the reason Ace and Arch got together, so I think I can handle getting Thorne and Isaac together!” “Um…you didn’t really have much to do with it.” I say. Ivy stares at me coolly. “I had everything to do with it you pathetic little man, and you’d do well to remember that.” “Okay!” I squeak. “As I was saying!” Ivy continues, “I have a plan.” *** “And so begins Phase 1 of Operation Thornaac.” Ivy narrates into the recording app on her phone. “Do you have to do that?” I ask her. It’s now Saturday, and we’re crouched behind a wall watching Thorne and Isaac talk. “I think it’s cool.” Arch supplies. “I think it’s annoying.” I say. Arch pecks me on the cheek and I immediately go red and shut up. “Thanks for subduing him Arch.” Ivy says. “No problem. I actually quite enjoy it.” Arch says. “Phase 1 of Operation Thornaac has been initiated. Thorne is conversing with Isaac, and is about to ask if they want to go to the dance together ‘as friends’. Standby awaiting confirmation.” We watch the two talk for a bit but we’re to far away to hear what they’re saying. Ivy turns to me and Arch. “Can either of you lip-read?” We shake our heads. Finally Isaac waves bye to Thorne and walks away. Thorne turns around to face us and gives us a huge grin and a double thumbs up. We all jump out and start cheering. Ivy throws an arm around Thorne. Alright, Phase 2 of Operation Thornaac. We go shopping and get you something other than flannels and grubby basketball shorts. Thorne looks at their black and yellow flannel buttoned to the neck and tucked into a pair of athletic shorts. “For what it’s worth, these are soccer shorts.” *** As we take the bus into town, I realize I haven’t spent much time outside of school. In fact…have I spent any? “So are we going to the mall?” I ask Ivy. I’ve never been to the mall, but that’s where people always go shopping in straight people movies. Ivy looks offended. “Ace Malloy, we are gays. We don’t do our clothes shopping at the mall.” She looks from me to Arch to Thorne. “IT’S TIME FOR A QUEER THRIFT STORE SHOPPING MONTAGE!!!” The other people on the bus look at us strangely.
Ivy drags us into a small queer-owned thrift store, and has Thorne try on a dark green tank top and ripped black jeans. “Dang.” Ivy says. “Isaac better go after you now.” I have to agree. “Yeah, that looks a lot better on you than flannels and basketball shorts.” “I miss my flannels.” Thorne complains. And tries to reach for a faded orange and purple flannel. “NOOOOOOOOO!” Ivy yells, diving at Thorne to prevent them from touching the flannel. “DON’T REGRESS INTO YOUR OLD WAYS!” At the last minute Thorne pivots and grabs a reddish brown puffy jacket. “NO! Thorne!!! Don’t do it!!” Ivy cries, as Thorne pulls the jacket on. “My arms get cold.” Thorne says. “Actually that looks pretty good. Nice one Thorne.” Ivy says, amazed that Thorne made a good decision about their clothes. Thorne looks in a tall mirror hanging in the thrift store. “Nice.” “Okay Ace your turn!” Ivy says. “What?! What’s wrong with my clothes??” I say, hugging my black hoodie protectively. “Too much black. You look emo, and not even in a cool way. Just in a plain way. Looking at you depresses me.” “I like his clothes.” My boyfriend(!) tries to argue in my favor. “Nope, sorry Arch, he’s a fashion disaster, and I must heal him.” This all feels a little extreme, but I know better than to argue with my manic bestie while she’s on a fashion mission. She’s has me try on a number of different clothes, and I leave the store with a (still considerably emo) black shirt with a glowing purple ribcage printed on it plus a pair of blue tapered jeans because Ivy insists that my tight jeans are really weird. After the thrift store we grab lunch at a place called Controversial Coffee Co, and head to the Secondhand Suit Store to grab slightly fancier clothes for the dance. But guess who just keeps showing up at the wrong times? Guess who just can’t leave us alone. When me and Arch walk into the Suit Store holding hands, Kenny’s jaw just about hits the floor.
