5 months have passed since I last came to the place that gave me hope A place in my head that gave me a name A place where I'd go to cope To cope with the guilt of past mistakes turned shame Where pride and fear would constrict my willingness to open up and explain what's bothering me But even as the air around me warms and the atmosphere around me grows weary, the winds of change still sends chills through my spine and creeps to the mind I so easily lock myself inside Just last night in a dream, I looked in the mirror and saw a reflection of myself: "what's wrong with me?" I thought I left that place behind but I still see that house inside my mind. I can feel the comfort of the home that I left behind out of fear that it'd inconvenient to rely on someone to help me stabilize this vortex. I thought if I rowed my own raft fast enough, aggressively enough, to fight the growing waves of overflowing emotions, feelings, insecurities; all of it was crashing into my raft. I thought if I did that, I could control the direction of the waves but all it did was bring them all together to rip apart my vessel and drag me down with them. I thought feeling those fleeting moments would be enough to keep me from going under; feeling the moments where I'd temporarily stand on an imbalanced platform and actually be able to balance for the ones I care for. But it isn't. It never was. Unfortunately, just feeling a fleeting moment will never fully pull you out of an introspective mind that acts like a mental maelstrom.
Google for the image. Me for the (attempted) poem.
