(P6) 48 Hours to Get to Know a Person

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(Normal warnings and such) Chapter 10: June Things that irritate me about clothes: ~Tiny (or NONEXISTENT) pockets ~Itchy stuff ~When people wear shirts partly tucked and partly out (PICK ONE) ~Stains, tears or smudges ~Generally untidiness Saturday, Oct 6th, 2:11pm "I'm...allergic to peanut butter." In any other situation, these words would be meaningless. Ridiculous even, said in such a dramatic tone. That would be like bursting forth in the entirety of one of Shakespeare's sonnets, wearing a ratty tee and sweats. Laughable. But I was not laughing. Because if that had been the lie...then what he'd said was true. Kai Brooks wanted to ktss me. The thought was just as laughable as the earlier remark. Kai wasn't a jock-he played sports for fun but wasn't on any team-or anything but he was still, by typical standards, one of the popular kids. I? Was not. People were drawn to his boisterous, happy energy. He was like a puppy. Jumping around and wagging his tail and being ridiculous in the most adorable way. Kai Brooks and June Avens didn't even fit in the same sentence. And one thing I absolutely hated? When things didn't fit. But Kai was right in front of me, his gorgeous sea blue eyes scanning mine, like he was looking for the answer to an equation. And then he was leaning in and I was closing my eyes and- Bringing my hands up to his chest and firmly pushing him away. Whatever equation he was pondering, I hoped he solved it. But the solution sure wasn't me. It wasn't that I didn't want it to be. In fact, that was the reason I'd had to stop him. Because I had the unfortunate sensation that I was growing more and more fond of this boy. And he was him. And I was me. Kai and June? That was a cute idea. A passing feeling that he would eventually get over. Because in the long run, while I was falling deeper and deeper for this ridiculous boy, he would be realizing that I wasn't what he wanted. I was too serious. Too harsh. If the pieces didn't fit I didn't want the puzzle, if there was a problem I could solve I wouldn't rest until I did. I was logical. Calculated. But under all that, what I was really afraid of him finding out? That under all the masks and layers and faces I wear... I'm broken. Faulty. A mistake. That's why I wear the armor. So no one will ever see the mess underneath it. I'm terrified of small spaces. Of being trapped. But what I truly fear the most? Being seen. At my complete and truest self. Being rejected. And knowing that all along I was right. No one could love someone like me. I'd been hurt before. Convinced that I was the problem, the reason he did what he did. And one thing you should know about me? I never make the same mistake twice. So I did what I always do when I feel trapped. Lash out. And flee. "What were you thinking?" I demand. Kai is flushed, looking a little dazed. But as that passes, the only emotion on his face is hurt. "I...wasn't. I'm sorry." "You can't just-just ktss someone like that! Out of nowhere! Especially me!" Kai looks like he'd been kicked in the gut. "I...I know. I just-" "I don't know what you're trying to do here, Brooks, what trick you're playing, but I sure don't want it." I say, voice low and venomous. "We are not-whatever that is. We aren't even friends. And the second those doors open, I go my way and you go yours." "Yeah." His quiet agreement nearly breaks me. I wish he would yell back. Anger over sadness. Always. "It...it was stupid." Tears burn my eyes as I turn, gathering my things, not even sure where I'm going. It's not like I can get away from him. You can only go so far in the same building. The words sting. Even though I know they're true, even though I was trying to make him see that. Because he can see. A moment's flitting idea isn't enough to make a mistake like that. Like me. Chapter 11: Kai Stupid things I've done: ~Skateboarded on a diving board ~Jumped off my shed roof ~Dared Wyatt Carter (my best friend) to eat a worm ~Attempted to ktss Juneily Amanda Avens Saturday, Oct 6th, 2:15pm I am SUCH an idiot. Surprising or not (if you know me, definitely not) this is not the first time I have thought this. And knowing me, it won't be the last. I lay my head on the cafeteria table and wish that I hadn't done, what I just did. Again, not for the first time. But mostly, when I do something stupid, I face the majority of the consequences. Break my arm? Hospital. Sing during class time? Detention. Attempt to play football? Humiliation. And yeah...a lot of the punishment for this lands on me. But somehow, I also hurt June. And I hate that. And I hate myself for that. And I hate that now I'm confused why she's upset. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some egotistical maniac who thinks any girl would be lucky to ktss me...no, not at all. But for a moment, just before I humiliated myself to the utmost, I thought I saw agreement in her eyes. Turns out I'm not just a complete and total idiot, I'm also blind!