very proud of this drawing :P yayy it looks so good :P I jst realized I forgot the smaller horns for dom........ anyway.. VENT/RANT WARNING "why don't you tell us what you listen to??" - my mom yeah this is the stuff I listen to </3 she says osts aren't music cuz music needs lyrics so I listen to music with lyrics and she doesn't like them because there new or "have no meaning" and yet wonders why I'm not close with her (thats only one of the reasons) I can't even have emotions cause I fell of a electric bike going really fast and fell onto concrete and ofc I'm gonna cry really hard right cause my knee got absolutely destroyed (basically) and her reaction to that is to grab my wrist pull me closer and whisper to "shut the (f) up" in her defense it was "I needed to listen to what she was saying and that she says the word with out realizing it sometimes" DOESN'T MEAN I'M GONNA HUG YOU WHILE STILL IN PAIN?? she never even said sorry because I was being loud about it anyway and plus because of my two eldest brothers (who still live with us) she wants me to sweep the 3 BIGGEST ROOMS WE HAVE WITH OUT TAKING A BREAK?? I can't even draw things I like! I have to hide my drawings most the time because when she sees them "thats so dark why can't you draw something more bright" I'm sorry? LET ME DRAW NOLI WITHOUT THINKING I'M MURDERING SOMEONE PLS? the FIRST drawing I remember showing her she said was scary and dark (I was five and very sensitive about that stuff) so I walked away and cried she thought I was being dramatic HELLO I WAS 5?? and when I showed her a drawing I made on the computer I was very proud of she said "it would actually be impressive it was made with a pen" I'M SORRY? (we didn't have very many art supplies at the time so I could really only do digital art...) anything I ever made she very said could have been better or was bad she once said that her parents locked her the basement and if she wanted me to have her do that to me because I wasn't in a very good mood and was crying or was scared CAUSE THERE WAS A TORNADO WATCH? I HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT THAT STUFF CUZ SHE PUTS ON SO MANY THINGS ABOUT WOMEN MY AGE AND UNDER BEING SA AND ECT AND BEING MURDERED SO DEATH IS TERRIFYING FOR ME she said it was "cause I needed to know the real world" COULDN'T WAIT TILL I WAS 13? HAD TO SHOW ME WHEN I WAS 5? I wasn't even allowed to watch shows I really liked growing up so I had to hide the fact I watched them and because I play forsaken and dod she thinks it means watching people get murder with realistic blood and screaming is okay and that I can handle it.. I have nightmares often and she thinks it because "I draw so much dark stuff" YOU FR GIRL? she thinks male chars with higher voices means there trans or smth (if there not young) LIKE WHAT? she wonders why I don't like talking to her shes the one to bully me about stuff I didn't know about or really did.. she yelled at me for the tv falling and breaking once and forced me to go with a car ride to grab something to she yelled and said I was useless and couldn't do s### and how was I gonna manage living in the real world and made me cry she only got meaner once I started crying then was silent for the rest of the ride.. my dad is at least NICE to me sure he can be a bit mean but theres a reason i actually show him my stuff because he says my art is actually good and I could become a real artist or animator in the future same with my granny she gives my little gifts and stuff and is extremely nice about everything so I do things for her ofc because she makes me feel like a person and my mom gets mad because of that. she once told me that granny didn't love or want me and made me cry then said she was just joking and I was to sensitive about that stuff but she said everything meanly like she meant it.. I've tried to get along but she forces me to wear what she wants me to sometimes to and get mad when I don't know about certain things.. I genially hate it.. my granny says I should at least try to get along as much as I can and to not hate her for it (because shes worried how that would end for me) and my dad says I have to love family and forgive but I don't think I can forgive her entirely when every single day I see her she yells and is toxic to me at SOME POINT or laughs at my pain or something... I don't know what to do anymore.. I don't really vent or anything sorry.. anyways thats all for now bye my lil cookies
