The summer air still holds the scent of May, When sixteen years had barely spun their thread, And fifteen years were measured day by day, A secret in the quiet words we said. I watched your shadow lengthen on the grass, A tower of kindness, brown hair falling low, Your eyes held depths of earth as moments pass, While mine, the blue green shifting water's glow. My modest five foot five against your height, A simple contrast nature drew for us, We walked the halls bathed in the afternoon light, And spoke of nothing causing any fuss. You called us friends, a gentle, steady phrase, A boundary built of careful, soft regard, Though every glance through those confusing days, Felt like a secret path we both kept guarded. The constant teasing, laughter light and free, Your flirting touch a current underneath, It felt like everything was meant to be, A blooming rose within a laurel wreath. Then suddenly the label shifted shape, The barrier dissolved, the line erased, No longer playing that familiar scape, In your embrace my worries were misplaced. We are together now, the world agrees, But with this joy a sudden shadow crept, A clumsy fear that brings me to my knees, A promise I am terrified I’ve swept. I cling to moments, needing your reply, Afraid to let a second drift unseen, I fear my closeness brings a heavy sigh, That you will tire of what I have become, between. This constant need to know you still admire, This tightness in my chest when we must part, I think you’ll hate this burning, eager fire, This whole attachment taking up my heart. Because you stand so tall, so self assured, While I feel small, this neediness exposed, Will my devotion ever be endured, Or will this closeness leave you undisposed? I know you smile when I reach for your hand, I see the warmth within your steady look, But still, I struggle just to understand, If I have overplayed my opening book. I hope the comfort that I seek to share, Doesn't become a weight you have to bear, That this new love, so precious and so rare, Is worth the space I occupy right there.
The summer air was thick and sweet When sixteen turned her gaze his way A whisper of a heart's quick beat That bloomed beneath the sunlit day. He stood so tall a giant grace At fifteen years, a gentle might With earth brown eyes and smiling face He filled her lonely world with light. She, five feet five of nervous need With autumn brown and hints of flame In irises of green and blue seed She only ever spoke his name. They shared their secrets by the creek The quiet walks when shadows grew He’d always say in tone quite meek "We're only friends, it's nothing new." The word hung heavy, light, and slow A fence he built of careful talk She watched his easy movements go And followed on their daily walk. Then one bright afternoon it broke The careful boundary they had drawn A simple word that sweetly spoke The dawn of something newly born. They held a hand, a startled touch The 'just friends' label slipped away She wanted him so very much And now that wish was real today. But freedom brought a sudden fear A shadow lurking in the sun Now that his true affection's near Her careful self had come undone. The clinginess began to creep A constant need to check and see While worries surfaced from the deep If this tall boy could truly be. She feared his gaze would start to cool That soon he’d tire of her hold She played the anxious, foolish fool A story whispered, never told. At night she’d hide beneath the sheet And let the quiet tears descend Her own reflection she would meet And feel a lonely, bitter end. She saw a flaw in every line A darkness only she could trace She thought, "How could this love be mine? How could he love this monstrous space?" A monster cloaked in brown and blue A giant heart for one so small If he could see the hidden view He’d surely rise and leave it all. So she would hold him tight and pray That he would never understand The silent battle of the day The need to touch his steady hand. She loved the height, the knowing look The way his shoulders gently curved A treasure from a hidden nook A blessing she felt undeserved. The distance that had kept them safe Was gone, replaced by too much near She hoped her presence wouldn’t chafe And fought against the rising tear. The quiet crying in the dark Where no one else could ever see She left behind her painful mark And wished for sweet serenity. She loved him with a desperate might This boy who stood so far above And wondered through the lonely night If love could conquer self-hate's shove.
