May/1/25 I'm sad. My parents have been fighting on and off for more than 3 years now. One day, one of them pisses the other off, 3 days later, they are still mad, At dinner, my mom might roll her eyes at something my dad said and belittle him, while I'm just on the other side of the table, hoping that he won't start another argument tonight about how he's "Done." IDK how they've been able to stay together this long, last year I had to overhear their biggest and longest fight, crying while praying to Heavenly Father that I wouldn't wake up tomorrow to find one of them gone. I remember during that, my dad would be getting my little brother to sleep, and my mom would pop in and start interrogating my dad, and how my dad at the start tried to make sure myself, my sister, and my little brother wouldn't have to hear them arguing. I remember going to school, putting up a front, acting happy, and trying to find things that day to make me laugh so that I wouldn't have to think about other things. I remember becoming depressed. Trying to comfort my brother and sister. Trying to stay together. IDK, it's been a year, things are better, I still feel a bit depressed, my mom still makes small belittling comments, my dad still says sometimes it’s he wants to separate, my mom clings on, I try to please both of them so that they won't have extra anger later because of me. You know what. I'm tired of the fighting, the snide comments, id rather have them be deviorced than continue to keep the fire aflame. I'm LDS, from what I've learned, Heavenly Father places challenges for us to grow and learn. I am grateful for Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, Without them, I might not have been able to deal with this, and, IDK, might not have been alive here to type this out.
Written May/1/25 EDIT: Sept/1/26 DAYM I was sad. Im glad my mom and dad are better now, my mental state is slightly better, still hanging on the edge of SH'ing and "leaving", mostly for reasons I forget, then remember, then forget again. Also. SADISH??? This is plain deppressive.
