**FLASHING LIGHTS WARNING** So I'm officially 16. Crazy, I know. Why is this posted so late? This project was originally supposed to be posted on June 7th, my birthday (yes yes I know get your 67 jokes out of the way), but my parents didn't want me to post something so vulnerable, especially since I was planning on revealing my irl name, but I decided to split the difference and choose a name similar to my irl one, I'll probably change it again to my actual irl name when I'm 18 and an actual adult. To be honest, I'm kinda thankful for the pause, I was given time to really think about this, and I decided that it didn't really matter, but in the end, I prefer it this way. I at least finished it on my birthday :D What's the deal with the depressing project? Well, I was listening to depressing music (as one does) and I found this song called "Beautiful Disaster" by Earth to Eve, and this one lyric gave me goosebumps: "Never thought I'd make it past 16 This year I turn 26" Because it reminded me that, not even 6 years ago, I had tried to take my life for the first time. I was 10, and I was both stressed out from the pandemic and I was curious about what happens after death. It was not my last attempt. I had tried to take my life around 7 times, I've sort of lost track. If you know me well, you'll know I'm a sucker for sentimentality, and 16 years is a big milestone for me, not just because holy cow I'm gonna be driving, not just because it's considered a special age in our culture for some reason, but because I've grown so much over the years, and I've made incredible discoveries about myself and I've just... existed, for 16 grueling years. I want to turn my pain into art, so here it is. I'm changing my name to Lemon So a few months ago, I got this game called Omori, I was talking with Super about Deltarune and he made a joke about the "quirky earthbound-inspired indie game about depression" thing that everyone on a specific bird themed but now letter themed social media website is angry about (they're angry about everything let's be honest), an then he was like "well the only real 'quirky earthbound-inspired indie game about depression' I can think of is Omori" and I was like "what's that?" And the premise sounded interesting so I got it. IT WAS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED, by which I mean IT WAS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS EXPECTING BUT LIKE IT WAS WAY MORE THAN WHAT I EXPECTED IF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE. If you don't know what Omori is, it's about a depressed boy who lives in a make-believe fantasy land to hide away from his issues, and it follows his journey to face the truth. The protagonist, Sunny, makes a persona to interact with this dream world called Omori, hence the title (he's named Omori because of the Japanese term hikkikomori, which means someone who isolates themselves from society). At the end of the game, I realized: "wait... TOAST IS OMORI WHAT" I was a depressed boy, who to hide away from issues in real life, lived in a fantasy land (I hid away online, but not reality nonetheless), and I made a persona to hide away in the fantasy world, that slowly replaced me (Toast). The comparisons were chilling. I realized how long I'd been living in denial of reality, and how I only just recently broke free. So to celebrate it, I'm changing my name to my irl one, so I never forget who I am. You can still call me Toast, but it won't just be an accurate name. With the making of the project, I didn't want to be called Toast because my epiphany was still so jarring, but I've changed my mind since, as long as you don't think of me as the actual character, and instead as the person who I am. What now? That's the golden question, isn't it? Well, I've been here for 16 years, what's a few more? I'm looking forward to the future. I know it will be hard, but I'll work through it and keep going. That's life for you. I'm growing up, and it won't be easy, but I sure as hell am excited for it. Living in reality can hurt, but it sure is better than the alternative. Any more project information? I worked really really hard on this, and it took a month to make. I was kinda rushed at the end, but I still put my heart and soul into it. I'm a big yapper when it comes to things I've created, so feel free to ask about any symbolism. So what happens to Toast? Toast as a character still exists. He's just not a persona anymore. He won't be used to represent me. Expect a couple projects relating to Toast later
