knock knock I… I was planning to write a poem about something “more” relatable and come up with a structure for it in my head with focus-on-the-external-instead-of-your-own-chaotic-brain-for-once concepts but my brain just decided to show me during my moment of intense wordless and sentenceless brainstorming a white stylus with a chrome finish, its surface streaked with a gradient - dark light dark - with slashes of light in varying intensities along its middle perpendicular to the tip, its rounded tip glossy as a polished light bulb, the pen is within a gnarled briar patch of twisted and unfurling ink, ink spiraling and splashing outward and interconnecting like a gelatinous lattice but with more fluidity, splattering droplets to and fro, all the fluid contorting around the pen like an organic maze though the fluid is an inorganic substance, all suspended in airborne defiance aimed at gravity, the ink isn't just liquid… it merges into charcoal smudges and erased lines and patterns behind the reflective 3D ink, all shifting in appearance and angle every second I think about it… it's like my wild doodles in my school notes, intricate designs sometimes erased over with harsh erased lines to create more contrast or to achieve an affect of tangledness and messiness and organized disorder (hey that sounds a bit like my cognition lol, this whole paragraph is gonna have and already has so much irony and resonance with yata yata brain stuff and more) or do something else entirely for who knows what reasons, anyway, the ink is smudged and sharp, intertwined with structure and different things with contrasting values, some designs and shapes and textures hasty and sloppy, and all made of various styles and approaches, all made in an impatient rush, pencil constantly turning and used at different angles and at different pressures and for different strokes…so many things can be tied back in similarity to my mind… and these sentences lol - a product of my mind and some other factors ofc… Anyway…The ink is dark and the nature of its appearance is like a lopsided, spilling, asymmetrical and inconsistent fractal filled with patterns like doodles on a paper - abstract and geometric and 2D and 3D and cartoony and op art and semirealistic and hyperrealistic, while all of those patterns blend seamlessly into frozen-in-time interwoven exploding ink splatters in 3D serving as a sort of outline to the fractal thingy within, and tangled within the web of patterns and lines and hyperrealistic ink and 2D and 3D art there's a white stylus, ink overlapping it a little, but most of it is visible, some tendrils of ink slashing in front of it in the foreground and obstructing little slices of the pen from view. It took minutes on end to write up a portion of what my brain saw in fractions of a second. …So I thought I'd write that. I was so tempted to see how I would try to convey such a thing. So I tried. created 2:23 pm end 2:55 pm ~ funny (to me) stream of consciousness exercise by me 12/1/25
I can generate entire immersive landscapes and surroundings in my head and see them before my eyes as if they were real even with my eyes open. I can generate sounds, tastes, smells, and touch and experience it like it is actively happening to me. I can rotate rooms in my head, flip them upside down, imagine them from bird's eye perspective and from an ant’s perspective, and so on. All I have to do is think of a concept, and I can conjure something up with so much detail, it's not only like a memory, but it's like a 10 second or 2 minute vacation I'm going on. I can do it intentionally, but I also do it accidentally. Remembering specific faces I've seen before doesn't come quite as easily (I think it's because it's easier and more satisfying for my imagination to take liberties with a loose concept and generate a complex image based on this loose idea than recall or focus on a person's face from a single angle instead of several at once. I also tend to hyperfixate on certain features of a person’s ever changing face instead of seeing the whole picture in a still frame like a photo). 2020-2021 I had a storyline I developed in my head to entertain myself and distract myself from my depression during the pandemic. I was up past 4 am countless times night after night experiencing imaginary worlds and seeing/interacting with imaginary characters I generated before my eyes. Instead of seeing my bedroom, I would see a different planet. I would see the sun-stricken windows and glittering skyscrapers of gargantuan cities, the apparition of amorphous aliens, high-tech facilities with glossy, waxed floors, and so on. Instead of being me, I'd see myself as a completely different character experiencing life through the eyes of someone else, sometimes even seeing characters in third person as I interacted playing as a character in the story. The stuffed animals I interacted with became otherworldly creatures before my eyes, life-sized and detailed. I love cinematic rock and intense music especially (I like almost all kinds of music) because it's easy for me to imagine and visualize the different and complex things/emotions it could represent, and how it could apply to my life, fictional characters, or anything I find interesting in general. I often see an apparition in front of my eyes when I look out car windows listening to music. I see all sorts of things–detailed animations (cartoons and 3d), immersive worlds, and spin-offs of my memories from different imaginary perspectives. I notice that I seem not to focus only on the meaning of the lyrics, but the background music is a major component determining whether I find the piece attractive as well. When I see characters appearing before my eyes in time to the music, the lighting changes and the background I see are very attuned to the beat, background vocals, and rhythm of the music. I'll sometimes see one image for the melody overlapping with a sort of transparency over another image derived from the beats of the music (or certain hits that stand out to me). I often find it very hard to capture this duality to how I perceive music when I attempt to make an animation to a song excerpt.
