All of these were done by me on Sep 27, 2025 ~ Stream of Consciousness attempt 1: I am now doing a stream of consciousness exercise and I am typing and thinking about what is happening downstairs and noticing when my fingers slip up and I have to backspace and sensing that my mind is cluttered and thinking about my impending responsibilities to uphold and I pause without pausing my fingers unsure what to put even though I know I am filled and am capable of spilling forth but how to put to words the things I feel and think what to say what to do I see my room around me think about the day and time and year and where I am and what I do and what I like and don't, reviewing, noticing rhyme in what I'm typing, there's a rhythm to my mind games when I'm attempting to get it to fit a structure still it's not completely flowing free it's under pressure pressed by me and I am wondering what all's behind it let it out let it out hmm I wonder what my future self will see in this as time progresses I'm aware of passing seconds spent to do this why review this I am clueless but I don't think this is useless might I get through this, if I knew this, how would I brew this into something cohesive it's already a whole of formulations atypical as a deviation from my usual standards though not completely free from my critical eye shaping it and phrasing it and erasing and staging it performing how to show this is this a warning cognition warming volatile and whirling what is storming in me? Stream of consciousness attempt 2: Papers and pens and swirling wind invisible but there, eyes looking around a city profound insights possible to extrapolate to be free from the critic inside me what would that be like is it this is it here in this world in my mind somewhere beyond the sight of the desperate eye I think of snow and lights and philosophy and nights and roads and places to go and people to attempt to know but never completely though and is it so? What is so? I am so caught up in everything I am exposed to overflows through verse and prose the words I chose and continue to choose I don't have to make it fit a structure how would I loosen the bindings I've enforced on my mind in real time for so much time I wonder of whirlpools and tempests and churning clouds and tension and emotional chaos and everything I am comprised of and all that compromises me beyond my conscious awareness I don't have to fit any mold I give myself any thing I try to fit myself into I think of bugs and animals and experiences unfamiliar to me in them and others and all around them what is there what don't I know where could I go what could I do could I move past, keep moving through and what will I learn that I never knew and would it mean anything to you?
Stream of Consciousness attempt 3: I am doing this again this time I want to let loose further I want to think about whatever appears and roll with it and I see a snowman traced from a video I saw earlier involving Frosty the Snowman and Christmas songs and I fall once again into the rabbit holes of earlier today but I draw myself out of it and am now thinking about how I just heard the voice of my father and it sounds almost like it's raining outside but perhaps it's only the percussive beats of city happenings and vehicles compounding in noise and I imagine what the birds might sound like tomorrow and I think of that owl I heard the other day and I notice how much less I am criticizing my thoughts and I notice how I deviated once again from the original structure by indulging in more meta-commentary but I will return to thoughts of planes and windows and clouds resembling oceans on fire in the receding sunlight like I saw from a plane years ago I notice I am revisiting past experiences and my brain feels a little foggy and slightly heavy somewhat and I see my fingers moving and hitting buttons and I feel a little happy seeing them move and keep moving and I can put anything here I don't even have to analyze it I could say bird chipmunk mosquito bird falcon house car brown dirt mahogany magothy grandma children I could say extravaganza bazaar I see connections in what I write so many things I could think about but no, I'm trying not to think about it birds flying over an extensive field like that poem I wrote again connected to the past I build from everything I experience how do I not connect from the past when it's the foundation upon which I stand and think oh the joy of there being so much to explore out there I see in my mind a sky of particles and atoms and suspended orbs unimaginably distanced from me in space and all of it interconnected and interwoven, connections, what is randomness, what is the pillow I am looking at to me when I think of how I made it with my grandma's help my work what does it mean to me perhaps I could ask more questions how to deviate from my self-correcting think of bananas and monkeys and dancing and flowing gowns and war and contrasts and highlights and shadows and art and beauty and ambiguity I will end this here for now 4th Attempt at Stream of Consciousness: A hat a bat and a bear all here and there I rhymed I am aware there is song emanating from downstairs let's talk about the bear I see how the bear could pick up the bat and wear a hat but would the hat be comfortable for the ears of the bear assuming the hat did not have holes designated for the ears and how might the hat stay comfortably and securely on the bear’s head and what purpose would it serve, does the bear already have attributes that enable it to excel without necessarily needing a hat to block the sun, would a hat get in the way of their productivity, if it was an anthropomorphic bear like a cartoon it might live in a bear society resembling a human society and be expected to fit the standard of wearing clothing such as a hat from time to time that would be interesting I hear the music still from downstairs the bed I'm on is soft I like it I think of all the different ways I could design a bed to match a certain aesthetic or meet a certain demand and I look around ivy sunset clothes I think of designing an article of clothing incorporating all of that and I see a yearbook and I think of time as a concept and years and how their conveying could be attempted at and what reasons might drive a person to do that I see a squirrel neck pillow I imagine what it would feel like to have an actual squirrel sitting on your shoulder and how would the claws cling to the fabric, I imagine the weight and the pressure and the fur I can see it hyperrealistic I dive into the possibilities with my hyperphantasia, generating forests and intricate bark and 3 dimensional objects from all sorts of angles I see a paper in real life my school projects I've made good progress on and I am happy with how they're going I feel a twinge of anxiety over upcoming events but I want to work with myself to get what I want to get done done and determine what direction I want to go next and what goals to set and I think of painting and imagine painting without a standard, not feeling the need to shape it a certain way, a medium used to transform “freely,” at least, free from the eye of my overworked inner critic. I imagine and imagine and imagine birds Kites poems words things ideas running dancing listening to songs wondering and enjoying and panicking and having fun and exploring I wonder what will happen tomorrow and what I will do and what I could do I am excited to explore and push the boundaries of my cognitive comfort and challenge myself I want to keep growing ~ started around approx 9:35 pm, did 2nd one after 9:40 finished around 9:45 pm 9-27-25 third started 9:56pm 10:04 pm end ~ 4th: 10:33 pm 10:43 pm end ~ #writing #story
