when i first met you, thorns were turned into budding flowers. mindless noise was turned into beautiful melodies. and it felt like the dullness of my world was splashed in with colour from yours. i loved it, and i loved you. ... i just didn't expect it to end so suddenly. almost as if it was ripping the paint from a canvas, you left me, and your colours were taken alongside with you. i know you're having fun over there. you even tell me about it every day. small snippets of your life were let into mine, and you carried a bit of me with you as if the greys and blacks and whites of my world were any use as shades, but vibrant colours and blank hues would never mix despite how i longed for it so. each shard from your world that came into mine felt like a shard piercing my heart. why were you enjoying it so much while you left me to struggle? why did the people in your world get to shine in your light while i had to grab onto the shadows that were left after it? it hurt. despite the feeling that i have to let go of you if i want you to blossom, another part of me wants to cage you rid your world of colour and paint it over with mine as if that'd prolong your leave any longer. you're a beautiful being, and yet i only have the destructive urge to ruin your presence. i'm not worrying because you've replaced your old life with a new pallette. i'm afraid that the new shades will paint over mine, too.
will add thumb soon .... ok im gonna be honest i cried a lot while writing this prolly wont be as active rn since school is starting soon, epiiiikc siiiigh. rant down below tw so uh one of my best friends is moving to a diff highschool ,, and i know she loves it there. she started earlier than me and shes telling me everything. it sounds so amazing and im so happy for her and i love her SO MUCH but some selfish part of me wants her to stay with me. even if she gets better education and has better friends, the selfish part of me just wants her all to myself. its like some irrational part of me just says that i dont care if shes making new friends and getting out of her shell, and i dont care if shes growing, if she stays with me, it'll be alright?? idk abt these thoughts. but its making my chest feel stabbed and its stressing me out. im such an obsessive and pathetic freak like,, im never gonna act on these desires but i just feel so SELFISH for wanting this, its as if i stop all my friends from growing and i cant even have normal friendships without being so needy and high maintenance and it makes me want to cry. i love her so much and im just so glad shes getting to experience so much happy stuff but worried shes gonna leave me behind and she wont care about me anymore ,,and im gonna be irrelevant and shes gonna be so happy with her new friends while im still stuck here alone because nobody wants me anymore. ew i sound so freaking weird in this im bawling ugh just end me already whejsjfjhsh ahnfnf
