TW: themes of d34th, guilt, self-blame and self-doubt, and my silly cat being traumatized in general. ______________________________________________ I got Morningkit as my first cat in gens on September 14th. Originally, she was very naïve, genuine, and innocent. As a kit, she met Ripplekit, and befriended Fluoritepaw. She enjoyed pranking Flu and would often play with her. However, she often found herself lonely, because her parents were gone (donated litter), and all the other kits had parents to run to, to love them, and she didn't. She began to believe that she had to earn others' love.. because otherwise, no one would notice or care about her. This came into play, when at four moons old, her brother, Cometkit, d1ed. (The user deleted him.) She felt super betrayed and abandoned by this, and blamed herself for it, because she felt like she'd failed him by not noticing he was dying. She was also devastated because he'd had huge dreams, and would never be able to achieve them, because he was gone. She vowed to make sure she'd be remembered so he would too, to achieve what he couldn't. A desperate promise- because she believes he died because she wasn't a cat worth staying for, that she wasn't good enough for her brother to love her enough to stay, and not abandon her. That still affects her now.. deep down, she's this broken cat who just wants to be worth loving.. and it's still part of her drive to become leader. Anyhow, after that, she's apprenticed to now Fluoritescar, her friend. They train together, until Fluorite leaves to become a loner so she can be with her love, leading back to Moore's complex of not being good enough for cats to stay with her. She believes that Flu left because she wasn’t a good enough apprentice. She's then apprenticed to Dovehope, who is probably the cat who changed her the most, as Dovehope becomes almost a mother to her. Dovehope is, in her eyes, is almost an idol. She admires her, adores her, but is also terrified of her at the same time. After losing her siblings and only friend (She doesn’t really befriend Ripplepaw until later in their apprenticeship) she’s so starved for love that the random affection that Dovehope tosses her way earns Dovehope her undying loyalty, from saving her from one of the things that she hate most: being unloved and alone. She wants to prove herself to Dove, so she can satisfy that underhanging longing: to be good enough to be loved. With all of her wishes and hopes, she never notices it: that Dove has her eye on her for a reason, that the encouragement that lights her up is deliberate.. because Dove is training her to spy. Moore is being manipulated.. but she refuses to admit it herself. (cont. in N&C)
TW yet again, proceed with caution. ______________________________________________ So yeah Morningrise lore dump because this is 5000 characters and I did not want to put that in a bajillion comments. Thanks to @Cat_Shade for asking for a lore dump lol, Morningrise belongs to me, all other cats listed belong to their respective owners. Art by me, please no theft. She's staring into your soul. ______________________________________________ Morningrise loves the challenges, the chances to prove herself that Dove gives her. This teaching style also affects Moore greatly- it becomes her own teaching style in the future, and her parenting style- because Dovehope was the closest thing to a mother Moore ever had. However, Dove’s lesson’s change her, from the genuine, heartbroken cat she was into something.. else. She becomes calculating and cold, employing the use of masks just like Dovehope does.. so she can protect her bl33ding heart, and save herself from the pain that follows her everywhere she goes. She becomes incredibly like Dovehope, and adopts Dove’s wish for control. Moore realizes that the only thing that can stop her from ever having to be hurt again is to be in power, to have complete control over her life, so she doesn’t have to lose anyone else. She chooses to side with Pidge during Opaque’s demotion (she just said she supported vem-) and then she becomes a warrior. She encounters her first mentor once, and Flu warns her against Dove, Flu dying herself only two moons later. Moore swears she doesn’t trust Dove.. and she doesn’t, in part. She admires Ve, but is in awe of her, scared of her, somewhat. But when she says that, it’s because she doesn’t know it herself. She loves Dove dearly because she saved her from being unloved. Dovehope’s lessons are the things that keeps her going.. and so when Ve dies, Moore’s world falls out from under her, everything she’s rebuilt her life on crumbles. She loses both her sisters, and her little brother figure, in the same moon.. and Egretkit’s d34th was her fault, due to her sneaking him out of camp. At this point, she’s starting to crack, starting to lose it. Her mind is slowly slipping under, she she struggles to control all her grief. She takes solace in training Dove’s daughter, Katnisspaw, who becomes like a sister to her. Around this time, she gets into numerous fights with Urchinclanners, likely because of her struggling to cope.. taking her stress and channeling it into defending Flurryclan. Eventually she finds Dovehope’s will, and it gives her a new purpose. To run the spies. To protect her beloved clan. Until the first spy she sends, Desertthorn, d13s. Reveriecrown was Des’ mentor, and she herself is devastated. Moore blames herself, and Rev blames Moore. Later, the Urchinclan/Flurryclan war begins, she adopts a litter of kits, and then she and Rippletide finally end up together. Rippletide had also previously adopted kits so she’s the mother to twelve children. She’s then appointed deputy, leading to the Reveriecrown drama springing up right around the time three of her kits, including the one she named after Dovehope, d13d. Her second apparentice d13s at this time, and she blames herself for not being good enough for Galepaw to stay. Sweethope betrays Reveriecrown and reveals the rebellion to her.. which causes even more stress. Obviously, with all that, she’s going through a lot, her walls are crumbling, and at this point.. one more straw might break the camel’s back, and then it will all come crashing down. She holds on to the dream she’s had since a kit- to become leader, to save Flurryclan like it saved her, in desperation. This dream is the only thing keeping her from shattering, the only confidence she has is that if she becomes leader, she’ll be good enough, and Cometkit will love her, as well as the billions of other cats she’s lost. After all, all she wants is to be loved and in control. All she ever wanted was to be loved, and lose no one. Surely that's not too much to ask? And if she can’t have that? Well. Then no one else can, either. She’s almost there, she’s given up everything for it, and if she loses it now.. whoever causes it will rue that day. She’ll be good enough to win her friends and family’s love.. and she’ll make sure she has it. No matter what she has to do to she’ll //make it happen.// Or someone will pay. This not updated, so note to self, I need to update it with Reveriecrown stuff, becoming leader (and lives ceremony) that gathering, Popcorn, her kits offing, Willowglade stuff, the wolves, the next gathering, her niece/niblings/nephews, her next litter that mostly dies, Sweethope offing, new deputy- all that.
